and my heart grew 3 sizes that day

Sweet picture of Jack and NonaJane cuddling for a movie

I don't really make New Year's Resolutions.  At least I can't really remember making one.. so if I did make one I obviously didn't do too well with it.  But this year, I have something laying on my heart.  It's not really a resolution, but a perception that I want to change. My whole life I have always told myself that I was not a giving person.  I am not a consistent tither, I struggle to remember to bring gifts to birthday parties, and wedding/baby showers. (I know that probably sounds absurd.. but is totally true. I cannot tell you how many times I have been going to get in the car and realized "oh, crap! I need a present!"  I have always let this reflect back on myself in a way that made me believe I was selfish, unthoughtful, and generally a crappy friend at times.
But at my ripe age of 30... I think I have finally seen my reflection in a different light.  Perhaps I am not a 'cheerful giver' in many situations.  But recently, I have realized that I do have a heart to give. It just may look a bit different.  In order for me to be a thoughtful giver, it must be sparked from passion.  It has to come from a deep routed want to provide, to love, to support, and to share with others. I do envy those that have the passion to give for no reason at all. However, over the past year, God has placed me in multiple situations where I found myself having an overwhelming desire to give.  I didn't have to force myself, I didn't have to rationalize it, I didn't even have to plead with myself to give.  At one point I even stopped and said out loud "what's gotten into me?"   Then, the other day, in a moment of complete honesty someone described me as being someone with "a massive heart".  I was taken aback. It felt like a scene from the Grinch.  

I had puzzled for three hours until my puzzler was sore. Then I thought of something I hadn't before. Maybe giving doesn't just come in packages and bows. Maybe giving means a bit more! The minute that my heart didn't feel so tight, I released all my guilt of being a poor giver, and realized that I can give. 

God does appreciate my heart, my love, and my way of helping others.  I see the beauty in day to day kindness, and seek opportunities to be kind to others. I value the thoughtfulness of simple consideration, giving compliments, following thru with your word, and being passionate with your actions. There is beauty in truly caring about those around you, and those who you serve.  Those around me that endure struggles and hurt, it impacts me and molds me.  I am thankful for each and every person that God puts into my life.  Particularly the families I meet thru my work. God is molding me year after year. In the past I feel I was quick to judge.  I expected others to share my priorities, to share my expectations, morals, and values. Being realistic, I'm still judgmental, despite great efforts not to be. But I find myself re-thinking situations and realizing their path may be different than mine. I see a lot of hate and ugliness on my facebook newsfeed, and these posts grind at me. They dig under my skin and feel painful. How can people think that their hate and rudeness towards others could actually be a catalyst for change?

 If you know me, you know that I despise the passing of time and frequently try to claw at it to pause or slow down. But perhaps I am seeing one beauty of time passing. God is teaching me and molding me over time. Perhaps God is finding a beauty in me that I didn't know I had. 

So with this New Year, I would like to change the way I see myself. I want to value my ability to impact others.  Does this mean I will be prompt to every birthday party with beautifully wrapped packages... probably not.  But I know, that deep down in my heart, when those around me are in need, when I have an ability to help or support them... that I will. 

P.S.

I would like to apologize to my husband. Sorry that I didn't get you anything for Christmas this year. (some things may never change) But I LOVE you!

I also wanted to share with others that I do let things get messy around here... sometimes

Christmas Stockings in the nick of time

Two of our Christmas stockings are complete! (with 3 whole days to spare). Without these beauties Santa would have had nowhere to put all my delicious chocolate (and everyone else would have missed out on their coal).

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
(actually scotch tape because I can't find the holders)
and holy moly! those are our thanksgiving pumpkins still in the greenery... oops.  I'll get those out now

We have not embroidered names on them yet. I would like to get the other two done and have them all embroidered at the same time to ensure that they all turn out consistent.  Plus, I'm not sure exactly which one will end up with who. Except for the parachuting Santa. That one is JACK's.  He picked it out on day one (waayyyy back in october), and has been consistent in choosing it ever since.

Jack seeing his stocking complete for the first time :)

My neighbor Connie who is a seamstress did the final stitching and piecing together of the stockings. I wanted to make sure they would last FOREVER.  But every little bead, sequin, stitch, and stuffing was done by hand, by ME.  I know I know.  It was rough. Hours and hours of sitting on my butt, cross-eyed, cussing at the eye of the needle for being SOOO small.  But I stayed motivated by the fact that growing up, the family Christmas stockings were, are, and forever will be treasured pieces.  I'm not sure yet that mine live up to the same standards, but maybe over time they too will earn the badge of holding the Christmas spirit for my family.  Becoming the items that you lovingly pull out of the tissue paper, admire the detail, and carefully place in a row above the fireplace.  Year, after year, after year.  The Christmas decoration that gets you in the holiday spirit, brings back memories, and makes the season bright.
Thank you Bobo for my Christmas stocking, and the motivation to try and pass down the tradition.
Now I feel like Clark Griswald... perhaps putting a bit too much weight on the perfection of a moment. Let's just hope a squirrel doesn't break in and tear them apart.



Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

We got the message

I think God might be trying to talk to me.  I mean, I know God probably talks to me all the time, but this time I think he was blatantly talking to me... and thru my son.  It has happened on 3 occasions, all within a few days.

1: They other day I was at Carter's shopping with Jack. Jack was entertaining himself at the lego table along with another young boy and his mother.  As I was walking by, the mother called out to me and said "Your son just built a cross out of legos, and then proceeded to tell me all about Jesus and how he died on the cross for us!" Meanwhile her son was terrorizing small lego villages and knocking them into oblivion.  I smiled, thought 'where in the world did that come from' and kept on my shopping.  Then Jack asked angelically if he was good enough to go mini-golfing.  Can't say "NO" to mini-golfing when your son just preached the message of Jesus' salvation.
2:  Last night before bed Jack asked "Can we read from my Bible tonight? I would really like to learn about Jesus.  The book to learn about Jesus is the Bible! Right Mom?"  So after 48 pages of the Children's version of the Old Testament I put a book mark in it and called it a night.  Tonight, Jack wanted to pick right back up in the Bible.  Around page 80 I said I thought we ought to call it a night.  He replied "let's keep going till we get to the part where Jesus dies on the cross."  ummm.... I'm not really up for reading the entire bible in one night.  So instead I got to field some pretty intense questions like: "why did the people Hate Jesus, when Jesus LOVED them?"
3: Adam informed me today that while on the way to the gym, Jack stated that he wanted to go back to the church where he got to wear the name tag on his back and eat goldfish. So I'm not sure which he likes more.. learning about Jesus or eating goldfish.  Nevertheless, his message is pretty clear.

OKAY.  So we took a hiatus from church.  Adam was working every weekend in the basement, we got busy, excuse, excuse, excuse.  Our hearts have never stopped loving God (especially Jack) and it has been laid on our hearts to get ourselves back into the Church.  No better time than now!  Especially with Christmas, right?  Think the pastor and congregation will believe that we were on an 8 month missions trip? Ya, probably not.

The 'other' Christmas Memories

Attempting to get a picture of the children at Crown Center

Sometimes pictures can be deceiving. It is so tempting to weed thru the pictures and post the select few that show NonaJane with a clean face and groomed hair, the pictures with Jack laughing and the sun glinting off the grass just right.  But then sometimes you look back and think "I remember that day... but I don't remember it like that."  So since this blog is about "making memories" it wouldn't be fair of me to only post the pretty side.  Someday these might just make me smile or laugh even more than the 'pretty' ones.

Last weekend we took

"Just sit STILL!"

Don't we look happy?

Jack and NonaJane to Union Station and Crown Center.  The plan was to have a fun-filled holiday spirit kind of Saturday. A day of hot chocolate, Christmas lights, special treats, seeing Santa etc. etc.  The day started out great with Mrs. Claus's story time.  We mailed our letter to Santa, painted a Christmas craft, and checked out all the model trains.. but then things started to go sour.  The hot chocolate burned the crap out of my tongue, the crowds started encroaching, the stroller kept hanging up on things and people started to get in the way.  Then Adam announced he was hungry (this is NEVER good).  We decided to head over to Crown Center and try to grab some lunch at one of the fun restaurants (Fritz's or something).  Of course when we got there the crowds were excessive which meant crazy lines and crazy waits.  The line to see Santa was similar to that scene in "The Christmas Story".  To top it off, it was NonaJane's nap time.  Adam was melting down with hunger, NonaJane was melting down in fatigue, Jack was melting down because he wanted to eat at Fritz's... and
then I lost it.  "That's it! This is NOT fun.  Let's GO!"  So I stormed thru the crowded halls with a stroller full of screaming children and an angry looking husband.  On our way out of downtown the clouds parted and the sun shone down on "Denny's".  We took a seat (without a wait) ordered some pancakes and burgers, and had ourselves a merry little lunch.
So that was the truth of our day.  But somehow, I have enough 'pretty' pictures that I could have easily made the day look like it was all marshmallows and candy canes.  But I guess I felt like remembering this day exactly how it was.  Because even though at the time I felt bitter and annoyed... looking back it really didn't seem all that bad after all.

Exhausted, forced out of a nap... for some pancakes at Denny's

Schwatken Thanksgiving

Jack and NonaJane helping prepare the Thanksgiving meal

pinecone turkeys, and fingerprint turkey placecards

6 years ago when we first moved into our home we hosted the Schwatken Family Thanksgiving.  Somehow we avoided any hosting gigs for the past 5 years, but were honored this year to do the job.  On the weekend after Thanksgiving, Adam's parents, brother, sister, nieces, Grandmother and Aunt all came to our home to celebrate.  I kicked it into gear and scrubbed the house from top to bottom, and managed to cook (from scratch :)) sweet potatoes, stuffing, and a vegetable dish (squash, zucchini, bell peppers, and onion chopped and baked in a vinaigrette dressing) along with chopped fruit and fruit dip, bean dip and chips, and a crescent roll cream cheese dessert! Adam's co-worker smoked our Turkey for us (it was Amazing!), Great- Grandma brought her apples and pies, and Grandma brought a hashbrown casserole.  I also invited my parents and a good family friend, Johanna, along for the meal.  We were able to spread the food out on the table and sit down to a real Holiday treat.  Before the guests had arrived the kids helped me to make some home-made decorations. It is not often I find my crafty side, but these did turn out extra cute. So cute in fact, that they were disappearing! When I asked where they went, turns out the guests liked them so much they wanted to save them as little treasures in their memory boxes. Even better!
While we were all stuffing our faces, a crew was in the basement laying the carpet.  By 3:00 they had finished, and we were able unveil that new portion of our house with loved ones all around us.  It made for a pretty monumental moment in our world, and we were so Thankful to get to share it.
Honestly, I had so much FUN hosting the Schwatkens... that I would like to offer to do it again next year :)

The kids table. Where Jack decided to be silly with my pinecone turkeys and broke their legs off :( See Jack, I am writing this in my blog so I can remember to give you a hard time about this when you are older.

If you choose to act like a weirdo for the family picture...

Why are all my iphone pictures coming out blurry!!! ugg

After the Thanksgiving meal, Grandma and the nieces helped us put up our Christmas Tree. It was wonderful having the help, and made it the most memorable year for decorating the tree thus far. I love that the ornaments are clumped in clusters all around the bottom of the tree. I love that NonaJane continually takes them off, re-hangs them and then exclaims "Yay!!!" The tree seems extra loved this year.

Jack 4, Madison 8, NonaJane 1, and Molly 6

like the Broncos ornament in the foreground? and the McDonalds ornament above it?  That's nice.... real NICE Clark. Elegant is not the theme of our tree

Fond du lac - round #2

(Preface: I left my camera in Wisconsin, thus all the pictures that I took with the blog in mind... are still vacationing in Katie's kitchen. For now I will post the random pictures from my phone :))

Jack waking up in the morning light

Two weekends ago we took our second annual trip to Fond du lac Wisconsin for the fun-filled old fashioned Crabb Family Thanksgiving.  We were the hap-hap-happiest bunch around.  Adam and I started off the trip by leaving our house at 11:30pm and driving thru the night.  I was super excited because I had checked out a series of books on tapes from the Library. Adam was not so excited about that, but in the end I think we both really enjoyed the mystery novel by Mary Higgins Clark.  It was a peaceful drive thru the night. The kids slept like angels, I ate an entire bag of dark chocolate mint M&M's, and arrived at 9:30A.M. a pound fatter and much tired-er ( like how I made that word up just so it would rhyme?) Anyhoo, Adam and I managed to get some naps in on Saturday, and felt like we gained an extra day to celebrate with family.

NonaJane sleeping thru the morning light

A quick summary of the weekend would go as follows: we ate. And Ate. then asked when we could eat again.  Katie, as usual, cooked non-stop.  There was home-made  snicker-doodles, candied pecans, pies, coffee cake, bean dip, fruit dip, salsas, summer sausage, cheese platters and veggies all for your snacking needs.  When meal-times rolled around there was home made (notice the key word "Home Made") biscuits and gravy, eggs, egg casseroles, white chicken chili, and of course the entire classic Thanksgiving line up.  The kids annoyingly avoided all meal-times but managed to snack around the clock.  The adults managed to gorge at every meal, and still snack around the clock (which is probably even more annoying!)
We watched our favorite movie "Christmas Vacation", and played some serious (the word serious is being used facetiously here) rounds of "Wits and Wagers".  Then the guys stayed up late drinking and woke Julie up at 3:00 AM. There was rumors of men dancing in their underwear, but I steered clear of that.  Overall I think everyone had a darn good Holiday. 
Thank You again Mark, Katie, Hudson, Everett and Nolan for sharing your home!!!
See you next year! (self-invitations to crash someone's house for a Holiday are the best)

Back Table: Luella and Nolan
Front Table: Everett, Ethan, Henry, NonaJane, the back of Jack's head, and Hudson hiding underneath the table

Jack REALLY enjoyed their costumes... thinking these might be a good Christmas idea

I love this picture of NonaJane and her Uncle Michael!

No more Home Depot

Ribbon Cutting

Forgive me as I fumble over my words in attempt to explain the joy, pride, excitement, relief, and disbelief that I am feeling right now.  Last weekend, the carpet was laid in the basement, and we called the basement FINISHED.  Adam equated it to running a marathon... but I don't know of any marathons that last 8 months, where you work alone on tedious, frustrating, and exhausting tasks that seem endless in number.  Adam wore the hat of a designer, framer, electrician, plumber, insulator, sheet rocker, carpenter, painter, tile layer, and ceiling installer. The pictures included in this post do not even come CLOSE to touching the details and labor that went into this project.  I am actually working on a photo book for Adam that will show step by step the process of all his work.  So far there are over 100 pictures.  But don't worry, to give him a break we hired some guys to lay the carpet (didn't want Adam to have to work too hard).  When I would tell people that Adam was finishing our basement by himself people would often question "how does he know how to do all that?"  I would smile, pride steaming out of my ears and reply "I don't know... he is just that GOOD."

The past 8 months of life around our house... Adam working in the basement

     But it wasn't all fun and pretty for the rest of us either.  My usual routine of vacuuming every other day became a multiple time a day habit as sheet rock dust, saw dust, and every other construction related material came filtering thru our vents and were tracked up and down the hall on Adam's feet.  Our garage became a work zone with saws, tools, piles of lumbar, and spare parts.  Our cars were demoted to the driveway for months and months.  Then to top it off,  I had to deal with the Home Depot bills that added up all too quickly!

Jack helping to cut the ribbon

We also discovered that Jack is apparently allergic to sheet rock dust, or saw dust, or general construction materials.  He spent the last 8 months with frequent mild asthma episodes, fatigue, skin rashes, and even a mild case of pneumonia.  The doctors are hopeful that with completion of this project and some new filters in the air conditioner,  that Jack will not have anymore problems.

The playroom, guest bedroom, playhouse

Now that this huge endeavor is done, I can honestly say that the basement outshines the rest of our home.  It has more character, love, design, and better use of space than any other room in the house.  But it must be noted, that poor Adam had to deal with me doubting many of his moves. "You can't do a drop ceiling, those are tacky!"  "You can't have dark stained trim in some places and white trim in others!"  "Are you really going to paint the walls ORANGE?"  But Adam had a vision, and thank goodness he stuck to it! However, in my defense, Adam DID get to purchase a 70" TV, and his dream theater seating to furnish his room.  He also went to the liquor store and spent quite a bit stocking his bar.  I didn't look at the receipt... so I don't know what he bought or how much he spent. Sometimes it is just better that way. He deserves whatever it was that he bought anyhow.

The movie theater side, before furniture

 I am thankful that we were able to pay for the construction materials each month as we went (which made the last 8 months extremely financially draining). I am even more thankful that the labor (averaging 20 hours a week for the past 8 months) was completely FREE.  Except for maybe some cranky attitudes, and exhaustion.  In the end, we financed the big TV at Nebraska Furniture Mart and will be making interest free payment for the next 30 months.  I am so looking forward to some financial relief now that we won't be making daily trips to Home Depot.  In fact, let's not go to Home Depot ( or as Jack calls it 'Home De- POT' ) for awhile... ok honey?

First family movie night in the new theater

We're gonna be famous!...maybe

I haven't been blogging as much in the last few weeks. There has been a lot of exciting things going on... but none that I was really ready to blog about!  Plus I haven't had time to blog because I'm using my oodles of 'free-time' to make Christmas stockings.  Growing up, the family Christmas stockings were always my favorite decoration. My Grandmother, Bobo, had made them for us. They were unique, and very special. I wanted my kids to have special stockings too. Every year I scour the stores for stockings that will jump out at me, or have an irresistible feel to them... but to no avail. I figured the only way I would really achieve the same feel was to make them myself.  SO... I am not going to post pictures for you yet.. I will save that for when they are done.  On a side note, the only reason I am on here blogging now instead of sewing is because I strained my eyes working on them!!! I went to the eye doctor, and he suggested I get some reading glasses to wear when sewing.  READING GLASSES??? what am I, 30??!! uggg

The other exciting adventure that has been eating up my oodles of free time is Jack's new JOB! Yep, that's right. Our 4 year old has a 'J' ' O'  'B'.  Shortly after his 4th birthday, we signed Jack up with Hoffman International.  A local model and talent agency.  It was a bit of a scary dive, because there was an investment up front, and a commitment for Jack to take their classes.  I was terrified that it would be a scam, or a giant waste of money.  But Mom and I did as much research as we could, and felt confident that Hoffman was a well-standing, established, and respected agency.  Within a few weeks, Jack has already landed a job. In fact, it was the very first audition we submitted him for!  The job was a video shoot for Ball Jars.  The video isn't out yet, but we are anxious and excited to see it!  The team at Hoffman seem genuinely excited about Jack.  They gave him a fake commercial script to practice, and he memorized it the first night.  He seems to enjoy performing for people, and did great following the directors calls at the job.  He had everyone there laughing.

The stylist dressing Jack before his first scene

My first glimpse of Jack on the TV screen

Jack and his pretend Mom having a moment at the table, with the Ball Jar precariously placed :)

Jack and I modeling for ToastyTote 

So while Jack was getting started at Hoffman, our neighbor has been in the works of getting his "ToastyTote" into production.  He asked if our family would be the talent in his advertisements- both photos and a video.  Why Not!? So now Jack and I's pictures all over facebook, twitter, and other social media as the face of ToastyTote.  I wanted to put more of the pictures on the blog, but can't steal them off the toastytote website.  So you will have to go to www.toastytote.com to check them out!  The video just went up on kickstarter last weekend, and it stars Adam and NonaJane as well.  You can check that out here www.kickstarter.com then search for toastytote.  All this fame and fortune might start going to our heads. Are we famous yet? No!? Well that's cool too.

The photographer took this headshot of us, and was nice enough to email it over to us :) A nice bonus for helping out the neighbor!

I am well aware that there are some varying opinions regarding getting your child into the model/acting industry, but I think it is pretty cool that Jack has a hobby that he enjoys, is talented at, AND makes him good money!  So far it has been an exciting adventure! Plus we are hoping maybe we can bulk up his college fund :)

Mom and I right after the race

Last but not least, I ran my first 5k this past weekend with my Mom.  We had been inspired last month when we watched Ryan finish his first 31 MILE race.  We figured we could start small, and found a neat trail run up in Parkville.  We had a blast, and finished strong!  So this coming weekend, we are thinking we will go ahead and enter in a 4 mile trail race that mom found on the internet.  Not sure either of us will turn into ultra-marathoners... but I can possibly see a half marathon in my future? There was something motivating about seeing all the other runners, and I found myself wanting to try and pass them!  Perhaps I am more competitive than I thought?

Mom jogging across the finish line! 

Say CHEESE!

The running photo...

Notice NonaJane escaping the picture...

My sweet and wild NonaJane has always been more than difficult to get pictures of.  I worried that when she looks back thru photos she will wonder why there are so many of Jack.. and only blurs of her.  I do TRY to include her in pictures, but she is usually less than interested.  Thus the reoccuring picture of her has been with one foot off the ground in mid-run.

But this past week there has been a turn of events!! NonaJane realized that after she says "cheese" and sits still for a milli-second, that she can then SEE herself on the screen!!!  Apparently seeing her cute face is motivating enough to take a picture !  Look at these beauties we captured this week :)  Love it! 

The first time that NonaJane intently looked at the camera AND smiled for me!  When she saw her picture she kept pointing at the picture and yelling "BABY"!

Say "CHEESE!"

Halloween 2013

Jack, Annabelle, Caroline and NonaJane (hidden in back of stroller)

                 I don't always do the best job of celebrating Halloween.  Mostly because the holiday kind of confuses me.  I mean, it seem like it should be for children right?  Kids getting to dress up and trick or treat for candy. But then we decorate with terrifying bloody bodies, ghouls and goblins.  So are we trying to traumatize the kids?  I don't know, it just seems weird.  But that is neither here nor there (look! I had almost forgotten about my attempt to work that saying into every post! Hate to let anyone down...)
SO, Jack dressed up this year as the alien from Toy Story (the one that the claw grabs).  NonaJane was a bumblebee.  No particular reason on either costume... found them at the consignment sale. Wish I had a better background story to that one...

Caroline and NonaJane

We spent Halloween day in Topeka with Jayna and her girls.  We went trick or treating at a strip mall, then the kids made 'mummy' pizzas.   Jayna amazed me by having home made dough for the kids (she always amazes me with her kitchen craftiness).  She let the children use string cheese to decorate their pizzas, making them look like mummies.  Darn cute!


Halloween evening, Johanna came over in true Halloween tradition (Adam has worked on Halloween that last several years and Johanna has made it a fun tradition to come trick or treating with us).  Johanna helped me take the kids around the neighborhood.
Then I ate too much candy.
The end.
Despite my lack of enthusiasm for Halloween, I actually am looking forward to next year! I'm hoping NonaJane can wear my Indian costume from when I was little! I will let Jack choose if he wants to be a cowboy or an Indian as well :)

Johanna, Jack, NonaJane, and our sweet neighbor Jaycee

Jaycee helping NonaJane up the stairs

NonaJane made quite the killing. She distracted them with her cuteness, then would take half their bucket of candy.

 Then the other day I looked out and saw Adam blowing all the leaves together in the backyard. I thought "Wow, he is on top of things! Already cleaning up the yard!" Then, I realized he was blowing them into a pile for the kids to play in.  A week later, the pile has imploded all over the yard, dead leaves askew.  O-well.  Leaves are more fun for playing then shoved in a bag for the trash man to take. Right?

P.S. I also learned that leaves will leave nasty stains on your favorite pink corduroy pants :(