Memories in the Making: silent goodbyes

Our home early this Spring

Jack enjoying some of the perks of moving...

Tonight is the last night that I will put my children to bed in this house, and I am feeling a little bit emotional. Which I really don't like. In general I prefer to run my days, my decisions, and my thought processes on a more rational mode. All these "lasts" are creating a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. The kind where you know if you open your mouth to say anything.. that only a flow of ugly tears will come instead. Case in point: as we left the gym tonight for the last time, I attempted to thank the wonderful ladies who work there for loving on my children and making the gym such a fun and educational environment.

The disarray

Instead I only got out a meager "thank you" as the ladies all hugged and kissed on the kids. On the drive home I realized I was thankful that we are moving on a Thursday morning… because all my neighbors will be at work making it easy to escape without facing them for a goodbye. Not that I wouldn't want to tell them all how much I have loved them, how much their kindness and generosity has meant… but I just don't want them to see these ugly tears. So if you are reading this.. thank you for all the times you fed our cat, for watching over me from your driveway when I was selling things to strangers off craigslist, for helping me edge my yard when I try to mow for Adam as a surprise, for loving my kids and showing a genuine interest in them, for bringing me cookies and cake when you bake sweets, for loaning me eggs and oil and whatever odd thing I asked for, and for passing down everything from clothes, toys, skis, bikes, books, and costumes for the kids. Thank you for sharing with me your stories and lives, giving me advice on the children and complementing them as they grow and learn. I have felt so safe on this street (too safe according to Adam as I rarely if EVER have locked my door). I am sure you all might miss seeing Adam skiing down the street during the winter snows, or me jogging the streets with the kids in tow. I'll miss your waves and smiles with every coming and going. But perhaps you won't miss my squeaky car!

The awkwardness of "doing it yourself"

Even though I am only saying these goodbyes in a silent manner.. typing it out on my keys in a quiet room. I some how feel a relief. I'm ready to be excited and embrace the new. The new adventure in store for us. I think we have all made decisions in our life where we worry "was this the right thing to do?" and when road blocks come at us, or when we trip and humbly fall… we worry perhaps these trivial issues are meant to say "your going the wrong way!" But I doubt this to be true. Life wouldn't be life without a few hang ups. Some troubling issues along the way. The stress of big decisions makes you feel alive, makes you feel vulnerable, insecure, and nervous. At the time it can often feel like the world is crushing down, but looking back it is more clear. These problems are trivial, these stresses are minor. Adam and I are thankful for this opportunity, for the ability to make this leap.
So as I say my quiet goodbye's, I look thru my tear filled eyes to an exciting and wide open future.

Some of the houses from my past.. memories of old!