Memories in the Making: Cherishing the calm

Sharing my feelings of impatience at the Dr's office after 9 months of pregnancy

The kids trying to figure out diapering... more challenging than one might think!

Nona's new headboard and footboard for her bed

I updated my calendar today. It's a dry erase board that hangs in the kitchen foreshadowing the next 5 weeks of our life. Matthew's birthday is officially in the forecast. 3 weeks to be exact. With this visual reminder a new crop of emotions has arisen. There is the obvious relief as I see the light at the end of a long pregnancy tunnel. The excitement to finally meet our little boy, the final addition to our family. The fear and anticipation that arises as we await what we hope to be a healthy birth and healthy baby. The realization that I will in fact survive my third pregnancy despite all my complaining.

This final month is the time when I should be nesting. With Jack and NonaJane I ensured their nurseries were perfected, their clothes were washed and hung in their closets. My hospital bag was packed and the house was spotless.

Matthew's 'nook'

This time around I did prepare a 'nook' of our room for Matthew. I guess after 3 kids I realize this is all he really needs. Poor kid doesn't get his own decorated nursery, no closet devoted to his little onesies. Our house only has three rooms, and I see no need to kick Jack or NonaJane out of their own spaces just yet. In fact, I'm trying to keep Jack and Nona's lives as normal as possible. Rather than nesting for Matthew, I have found myself painting 4 coats of white paint onto a new headboard and footboard for Nona's bed. I rearranged Jack's closet (finally removing the skis and snowboards that somehow landed in there when we moved in), I've sorted thru Jack and NonaJane's clothes ensuring to hang only those that actually fit. I even found myself sorting and organizing their toys. I think deep down I have some fear about the 'growing pains' we are all about to feel. I remember how hard it was for Jack and I when Nona was born. I realize it was only a phase, but that does not take away the memories of how difficult it was. Because of my c-section (and the complications with it NOT healing) I couldn't really carry or hold Jack. It felt that I was continually nursing NonaJane whenever he was needing me, and eventually it felt as if Jack gave up on me completely. Turning to Adam for all his needs, I remember him crying each day when Adam left for work... which had never been an issue before.

NonaJane singing the itsy bitsy spider before bed

Tonight I laid in bed with NonaJane, listening to her ramble on about the day, letting her hug my head and daydreaming together about what tomorrow will bring. Fearing that in a few weeks I may struggle to find this time with her. Fearing that everything will be different, for her, and for me. Nona will no longer be the baby, but will be a middle child. A little sister and a big sister. I know these fears probably seems crazy, when obviously everything WILL be different.
So perhaps I can focus these worries, and turn it into something positive. Spending the next few weeks cherishing the calm. Focusing some positive energy and love on both Jack and Nona. Preparing them for their little brother, and praying for a smooth transition. Because we all know that in the end, having a brother is going to be great beyond measure.