Guess who's back?! (it's just me and my blog)

The Crabb family- 4th of July 2016

Agh. How does it happen? My poor blog got lost in the busy.. and it is so hard to start back up again. Not because I don't have anything to say- but because I have several months worth of memories, thoughts, and photos... it feels almost impossible to catch up.

we had hand foot and mouth virus this summer... Fun! 

I turned 33 last week, enrolled Jack for 1st grade,  and NonaJane for preschool. I've avoided thinking about the kids going back to school so much that I didn't even know when school started (and I actually missed the real enrollment date).  I know I complain that I'm overwhelmed and exhausted- but that doesn't mean I want my kids to be gone all day. I will miss them, and it makes my heart ache to know "real life" is coming.  I thought I was a "routines" person... but I'm NOT.  I hate getting out of bed every morning and having a schedule and trying not to be LATE.  It doesn't seem to matter what time I go to bed... this body does NOT like to wake up before 7. Never has, never will.

With a new purse and shoes... proof that we don't deprive her

But enough complaining- how about some humor from the kids?  So Matthew is 18 months old now- and he still loves to nurse. I did NOT see that one coming. The other two weaned themselves long before this age- and I didn't exactly intend to nurse this long.  For example, last week on vacation we went to Fantastic Caverns where you ride in a buggy thru the caves.  Part way during the tour Matthew starts screaming and trying to tear my shirt up to nurse.  He clearly DID not see what the problem was and was getting madder and madder by the second. As I would try to hold my shirt down around the large crowd of people sitting shoulder to shoulder with us, he began to fume.. steam could surely be seen billowing form his ears and his screams had a really nice echoing and megaphoning effect in the natural amphitheater that is a CAVE.  and yes, he won that battle.  But at home, he often times will find my bra's from my closet or the laundry and will carry them around the house.  He tries to sling them around his body or chews on the fabric.  So the other day we were at Target and NonaJane got so excited when she saw a wall full of "boobie things!" (and NonaJane is in a lovely phase where she wants us to buy her EVERYTHING). NonaJane began to beg me to buy her her own boobie thing.  I tried to explain to her that they don't make boobie things in a size for 4 year olds.  NonaJane rarely believes anything I tell her though.  So for the remainder of our Target trip and the entire ride home I heard about how devastated she was that Mom wouldn't buy her her own boobie thing.  But I feel pretty confident I made the right parenting decision on that round.  I spared her preschool classroom from a little girl coming in with a bra on over her clothes everyday.  So... ya- parenting win!

Adam and I made it to a Royal's game together!

NonaJane... keeping it real. 

This summer came with its own list of excitement and accomplishments- NonaJane has really started picking up how to swim! We've been practicing without her puddle jumper (floats) and she shocked me! She can jump in, pop right up, and swim over to the side.  Yesterday she was even swimming short distances under water! On our vacation, she was jumping off the back of the pontoon platform into the lake (with a life jacket of course!) but that is a good 5-6 foot drop!  She begged to jump off the cliff with Adam and Jack.. but we weren't ready for that.  The kids DID find a rope swing though and we all took turns- which was something I had never done before! Matthew's accomplishment this summer was losing ONE of every pair of shoes he had.  Seriously. How does he do that?  Sometimes we would get lucky and he would lose the opposite shoe from sets so he could at least have a shoe for each foot. He didn't care if they didn't match- and at this point neither did I!  But last week at Target I bought him 2 new pairs for the Fall (dear Lord help me keep track of these shoes) and NonaJane was devastated that I did not buy her any shoes (despite her overflowing basket of adorable shoes).   This summer Jack and I started reading the Harry Potter series together and he is loving it! We checked the first movie out from the library after we finished the book and he watched it about 6 times.  He does a great job of keeping up with all the characters and picking up on the plots!  It is really fun to have that time with him each night. OH and the biggest accomplishment of all this summer was taking Matthew to an allergist! We started him on some allergy medicine which has cleared up the eczema on his face, the EXCESSIVE drooling, the dry patches on his belly, the eye rubbing, the coughing, and the runny nose!!! But best of all it has improved his sleep to only waking once a night most of the time!!!! Poor kid- apparently he had been pretty miserable with allergies all this time.  This fall and winter we have to watch for asthma- which we are pretty sure he was dealing with last year.

Jack swimming at our old neighborhood pool where
we spent so many days when he was only a baby!

Overall I would say we had a wonderful summer.  Adam would have liked to go camping more- and hopefully with each year we will.  This year I'm still on the uphill battle of being crazy, overwhelmed, exhausted and moody. I hope to not stay this way! Everyone says three kids is a lot- um.. yes they are right.  But I know deep down our family is just as it was meant to be.  These kids are our everything, and we have so many exciting times ahead.  I'm so thankful they are all here- we've made it thru the infant stages and I can see little Matthew becoming more independent and aware everyday.  Before long our toilet paper will all be neat and tidy again.  I won't have a bra bandit, and maybe we will even sleep all the way thru the night.  Yes, the laundry will continue to grow, and the busy will continue to consume, but I'm thankful and excited for it all.

Me at conference in July. I became a Team Leader in July!

Now lets see if I can keep up with my blog a bit better! I don't want all the memories to get washed away with the busy!

Normal day with Matthew

Jack played T-ball again this summer

We've got our crap together!... most of the time

is it just me... or is he checking out that gas pedal in this picture?

Life sure knows how to take you on a ride. One minute, you can feel totally cool and confident- the next your hanging onto the back of a golf cart being driven by your 14 month old son. You may spend the next foreseeable future limping off a giant swollen and bruised thigh and attempting to comfort your ego.  I'm sure the 14 month old driving off in your golf cart is a totally normal experience that all parents go thru. My friend recently reminded me of a hilarious Jim Gaffigan skit where he relates having a 4th child to treading water and then having someone hand you a baby.  Well, we're not planning on finding out about the 4th child because I'm pretty sure Adam and I are barely hanging on here.  Not to make it sound like a desperate state over here... I mean most of the time we have our crap together! Just, "most of the time" doesn't really cut it when your 14 month old (yes the same one) comes around the corner chewing on your razor.

Seriously? What kind of houdini act does one pull to be able to literally mouth and CHEW on a  razor without causing oneself any harm whatsoever??? I remember "old" people always complaining how their kids "aged" them and gave them grey hair.  Ugh, why are old people always right!?!   I'm definitely feeling older here, but I'm also feeling wiser. And despite having numerous humbling fails with parenting lately... I actually do feel somewhat accomplished.  This Spring Adam and I have finally made it outdoors to tackle some much needed projects around the house. I had no idea how much I missed MULCH!  Seriously, mulch covers a multitude of things.  It makes the landscaping look so crisp- like "wow, those people have it together. I mean, look at their mulch!"  I finally feel like if people come over- they may take note of our landscaping and realize that we actually put time and effort into it. (cause I DID. So you better notice my landscaping and tell me how good it looks.) The biggest deal of it all, was that I did nearly all of it by myself! I tore out all the old plants, I worked the soil, I dug the holes, and I planted the plants.
It was empowering to get outside, to work hard, and accomplish something great. I even learned how to use Adam's zero turn mower, and used his trailer to pull around the gravel, dirt and mulch (until I broke the trailer arm because Adam said I "overloaded" it. Whatever, that trailer was crap and needed to Man Up to the demands.) Adam used that as an excuse to buy a new trailer... so between that and the mulch we are poor again.

Add caption

While I was diligently working away in the front yard, Adam was tearing out our screened in porch and building us an outdoor kitchen and living area! Jack and NonaJane played and helped us each out with jobs here and there. Matthew followed us around, hollered at us, stole our stuff and randomly deposited things around the yard (an infuriating game that will make anyone feel crazy) AND.... ate a lot of dirt.  Once Adam finished the bar and grill, we cleaned up the house, updated the lighting, and then spent a fortune on outdoor furniture (what good is an outdoor kitchen and living area if you have nowhere to sit?? I know I already said we were poor, but sometimes when the damage is already done you just go for it. We blame Spring Fever. Meanwhile, if you need us we will be at home on our back porch NOT spending any more money).

NonaJane wearing her FAVORITE dress. Valentine's
Day every day at our house :)

The good news, is I've started on a new endeavor that is helping us earn more "play" money and will hopefully continue to expand in the future! I went to a friends house recently for a "WildTree freezer meal workshop".  I don't know what happened, but I fell in LOVE with the company, the products, the mission, and the whole concept.  I signed up as a rep for a direct sales company! Which was weirder than weird because I have always avoided direct sales efforts and 'parties' like the plague.  Joining one has really changed my attitude and my perception- I mean, why are we ok with giving corporations like wal-mart a few hundred bucks, but if a good friend is selling awesome products we shy away like "mmm... I don't really want YOU to make money off of me". How backwards is that?  When in all reality, if our friends are selling something- it's probably because they really love it. If direct sales cut out the middle man expenses and instead allows individuals to benefit... it really does seem like a great thing! So my main point is, I'm starting a WildTree empire here so you should totally join me! Healthy food, that tastes great, and earns me money?! I know I know, but it's true!
Well, I can feel my creative juices waining.. the end of my day drawing near.  I guess if you made it thru this whole post you could probably conclude that our 3 children are doing well,  that you should definitely go buy yourselves some mulch, AND... that I shouldn't blog so late at night.

The kids all started gymnastics/tumbling classes this month

Matthew discovered the trampoline...

So good looking!

and he discovered the dryer

The kids helping me with the yard work!

Matthews 1st Haircut!!! What a sweet little face!!!

A year gone by too fast... Happy early Birthday Matthew T

Seeing the beauty of this picture- our family feeling so complete

Here we are in the final few days of Matthew's "babyhood".  He turns one on Monday. Yet for some reason I feel a bit numb to the whole situation.  Typically birthdays hit me pretty hard, especially something as monumental as a first birthday.  Perhaps I have developed some new coping/defense mechanism? Doubtful, really I think it is just that Matthew hasn't felt like a baby to me for some time.  Particularly yesterday when we were at the public library and he scaled up a chair, onto a table and pulled a computer off crashing them both to the floor in a tangled heap.  The sweet soft spoken librarian came rushing out concerned over baby Matthews well-being. I had no doubt he was fine- that boy is made of rubber and steal but the computer!??? Luckily for me the computer was fine as well. Just a bruise to the parenting ego- reminding me that watching 3 small kids and attempting to accomplish a task (such as selecting books from the library shelf thus diverting my direct attention from Matthew for more than 30 seconds) is never going to be as easy as I hope. It also reminded me that I do not have a baby anymore- he is a full on toddler!

I think he was sensing the seriousness of what was about to happen to him. LOL

I have had a few ask me if we will be celebrating Matthews birthday this weekend.  While yes, of course we will be celebrating, I plan to do it in a very low key manner. No parties, no decorations, no giant baby smash cake.  As I type that some mommy guilt is starting to creep up on me. But I remind myself sometimes that the joy in a moment can be better found in the calm and quiet.  I can better cherish Matthew making the time to sit alone with him in his room playing with his toys,  or when he brings me his favorite book and backs his little tush up to sit in my lap.  Trying to make some quiet mental memories of my last baby turning 1.  I've told Adam that Matthew's first year has by far been the biggest blur.  I think when life is so busy, it is hard to take the time to be present and soak in a moment.  It isn't JUST Matthew in my life.  Moments with him are tangled up with the memories of Jack and Nona- so it is harder for me to remember the simple moments and details of just Matthew. So as we approach these final few days, I thought I would take  a moment to put some memories and details of Matthew down on paper- something for me to be thankful for down the road.

Toilet papering the house is just too fun and easy to quit

Our car seats were starting to expire- safety first for baby #3

Matthew T Schwatken is a bundle of determination, wisdom, and survival skills.  He makes sure that he gets the attention he deserves by demanding a significant amount of time in my arms.  He loves to be held. He will happily ride around on my hip and observe as I do laundry, vacuum, cook, etc. If my arms and back tire out and I put him down, he will make his presence known by charging the vacuum cleaner (literally walking straight into my path and attempting to disarm me from the vacuum), or climbing into the dishwasher to unload it at lightning speed (he has also figured out how to open it by himself to unload the dirty dishes all over our kitchen floor), OR into the washing machine (he literally heaved his whole body into the washing machine when he was probably 8-9 months old?).  If he feels left out of something, he makes sure to barge his way in - such as the time that he dove into the bathtub fully dressed to be with the kids when he was maybe 10 months old?  Was he crying?? Ha, no- he did a somersault into the bathtub, sat up (fully dressed) and started playing.  He has no fears.  In fact he will stick his head under the running faucet in the tub because he enjoys the water rushing over his head.  This winter when we got our 1 measly snowstorm (what you would call a dusting) we suited Matthew up and Adam shoved him off down the hill on a sled BY HIMSELF.  He was almost 11 months old.  Did he cry? Nope.  He was wide eyed and smiling.

your first time at the bowling alley. We spent 2 hours holding you back
from running down the lane after the pins

 He loves to sleep in my bed, he loves to sleep with Adam in the 'man chair', he naps on the full sized guest bed, but he hates to sleep in his own crib.  We discovered that if we laid him on the full sized bed he would happily nap.  Who does that with a baby!?- I'll tell you who, a desperate mother who will do anything for their baby to just TAKE A NAP!  He fell off once or twice- and quickly wised up. He learned to crawl to the edge and wait, and just yesterday he independently spun his body around and slid down feet first. So he's got it now! He is our first child to ever sleep in our bed as a baby- the others were closer to 2 before they came up with the clever idea of getting in our bed.  But not Matthew, he demands his time  with us and what better way to get in those sweet cuddles than by kicking us in the back all night long?  I can't imagine a more bonding experience.

keeping me company in our bed

As most near one year olds, Matthew is a disaster at meals.  Smashing food, smooshing it in his hair, feeding it to the floor, and generally having a hay day. He does seem open to trying most foods and I would not call him terribly picky -yet.  Around me he still relies on nursing for the most part, but I know those days are numbered as well.  He'll figure out those sippy cups and slowly rely on me less and less. I've wondered if he will be like Jack- and have to be weaned, or like NonaJane and just one day refuse me.  Too early to tell.  But one thing for sure is he is still the drooliest thing I've ever seen. He can soak a shirt within a few minutes.  Still has 8 teeth... hasn't had any new ones for a few months? Seems he got all 8 between 6-9 months and then took a teething hiatus.

your favorite way to nap

"Up Mom, UP" all day every day :)

It may be too early to say, but it seems Matthew is going to be quite the talker.  This kid babbles up a storm and seems to already have a few words under his belt.  They aren't clear enough to be certain but we often swear we here words such as "that, this, up, out, go, etc."  He has learned the routines around the house and makes sure not to be left out. Yesterday he was the first one to the front door attempting to reach the knob all ready to go to Meagan's house for the day- and when I put him in the car seat he grabbed the bottom portion of the buckle and held it up for me to buckle his straps in! So I'll call it now and say we have a baby genius on our hands.  He has also developed a witty sense of humor, and will do anything to get a laugh from us.  Such as stealing the diaper and running around naked while hollering at the top of his lungs and flapping the diaper around in the air.  Another favorite activity of his is to barge into Jack and Nona's room after they have gone to bed and entertain them by purposefully 'falling down' only to get up, run in a circle, and 'fall down' again. The kids laugh hysterically at him and he emits so much joy it might literally be glowing from his ears.  He has become particularly inquisitive of the hair clips in Nona's hair- waiting for just the right moment to snatch and yank it from her head... OR to wait and calculate the perfect moment to grab ahold of her necklace, pull it to it's outer limit before letting it snap painfully back to her neck.  Oh he knows what he is doing, you can see him crouching down and calculating the movement. Scanning her eyes to see if she notices his plan before jumping into action.

too small this year buddy

He has found a love for books, and cherishes a select few over the rest. He will demand that I read the same book over and over by repeatedly bringing the book back and thrusting it into my hands while plopping his cute little tushy into my lap. AND we are starting to see jealousy as well. If Nona is sitting on my lap he will rush over to sit too.. attempting to displace Nona at the same time.
Letting these moments spill from my memory, reliving the experiences... sometimes when I just take the time to be quiet it surprises me how many memories can flood my mind. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude, I have found myself smiling, at times with tears in my eyes as I type these memories that I can still grasp and relive in my mind.  Now they are spelled out on paper for myself, and for Matthew.  Something to hold onto and cherish of a year gone by too fast.  The third baby I knew I so desperately wanted.  A dream that I wouldn't let go of.  I knew Matthew T was meant to be in our lives.  Here he is in full action- and I love him.  I absolutely, cherish, admire, and adore every wild hair on his head.  His drooly grin, his giant hands and feet (he has always had hands and feet better suited for a 2 year old than a baby) his giant blue eyes, and his action packed soul.  I'm so thankful for this past year.  So as we move onto being a 1 year old, I'm happy.  I feel content with where we are at, and I'm going to make a real effort at making quiet moments to be present.  To put those memories away where I won't forget them.

While it appears he is kissing the baby here... I wouldn't be so sure of his intentions.
 He followed this action by repeatedly dropping her on her head.

growing up country style

I Love you Matthew T Schwatken.  Happy early Birthday.

Christmas 2015

The calm of Christmas Eve...

Wrapping up the Christmas season.. the jolliest time of the year.  This December bought excitement and anticipation for the kids. We filled our time with the usual holiday cheer. We also spent an entire month with a giant (real) tree in our living room- constantly moving ornaments up higher and higher from Matthews reach, eventually even having to move the string of lights up from the bottom layer of the tree.  By the end of the month the tree was tilting, had battered ornaments, and a string of lights that wouldn't light up anymore... but we held onto our Christmas cheer none the less! There was baking, shopping, Christmas light viewing, gatherings with friends, holiday parties, and Santa greetings.
One of the BEST parts about Christmas this year was that my brother and his family had moved back to Kansas City! Adam and I were able to host the Crabb Christmas gathering, and it was such a wonderful feeling to have my whole family together and HOME again.  Everyone was able to stay the night (with the exception of Mark who had to go to work) and it was an absolute blast! 9 kids, 7 adults and 1 labrador retriever- a very Merry Christmas it made!!! (and lets not forget about our very "huggy" stray dog "Chance")

and the excitement of Christmas day hosting the whole Crabb gang!

If you can't have a White Christmas... a 60 degree day makes for a nice change!

what a blessing- a Christmas gathering just like in the movies!

Ringing in the New Year at Uncle Ryans

 We celebrated Christmas with the Schwatken's over New Years.  Somehow I managed to not take many (apparently ANY) pictures of it. But again, if you want a big boisterous and jolly Christmas gathering- somehow my children have been blessed with TWO every year.  We had a giant spread of food (and no one to tell me that I couldn't eat as many cookies as I want), a plethora of wine and liquors (because being joyous and jolly is even more fun with an open bar right?) and a teeny tiny tree (which made the pile of presents look even bigger).  Matthew was able to get one more tree knocked down before the season was over (he really didn't think it was a big deal.  As everyone gasped in shock as the tree teetered and crashed to the ground... Matthew merely grinned and carried on un-phased. He had already knocked the Black's Christmas tree over earlier in the month so this was nothing new to him.

Great Grandma had a scary fall on Christmas day so we took a little extra trip to go visit her. She was lucky to walk away with only significant bruising and aches but NO broken bones. We managed to make it thru the visit without making her fall again- although Matthew was constantly aiding her in the use of her walker.
Matthew's first Christmas was pretty perfect in my book- and I'm so thankful for his addition to our family.  I think we have finally adjust to being a family of 5... its getting easier to pack up and GO.  So let the adventures and excitement of 2016 begin!

The exhaustion of January the 1st

visiting great-grandma, and making a very good tripping hazard

Matthew and Uncle Ryan

Oh Matthew :)

Greetings to 2016

Guest reading in Jack's Kindergarten class before Winter Break

2016- the number looks weird as I type it.  Doesn't seem like it can be quite right... but rather than dwelling on the change and the speed of time- I'm choosing to grasp hold of 2016, and I think the rest of my family is doing the same.

Jack is kicking off the New Year as the winner of our local banks coloring contest- thus making him the proud new owner of a piggy bank and a crisp $5 bill.  He seems to be confidently striding into the new year with the swagger of young a boy on fire.

NonaJane is boldly bouncing, prancing, spinning, and jumping full force into the new year with a fresh hair cut and a whole lot of 3 year old energy.  She embraces change and loves new adventures- her spunk will keep us on our toes this year (and every one after that).

sword fighting while teetering on the edge of the fireplace. Surprisingly- this did not end badly at all

Day 1 of "Look what I can do!"

 Matthew T is toddling into the new year like a drunken sailor- loud, wobbly, and relentless.  His fearless nature and persistence is unmatched.  He is a jolly little fellow- marching along and laughing at his own jokes.  His hair is wild, his clothes rarely fit.  He finds joy in every little thing that comes his way.  He never passes up a hug, and is ready to get this year rolling with his new found independence.

Myself?  I see 2016 with hopeful eyes. I see myself regaining some freedom with each passing month as Matthew becomes older and bolder.  I foresee some better sleep- perhaps a full night?  I see a financial plan with exciting goals. Entering into 2016, I have started doing some extra side work as an independent contractor with "Bringing Therapy Home".  A home-based and center-based therapy facility in Overland Park.  I have already met some amazing therapists/co-workers that I am so excited to collaborate with and learn from! There is nothing more exciting than loving what you do, and pushing yourself to grow and expand in your skills and knowledge.  As an Occupational Therapist, your learning and growing is NEVER done.  I feel refreshed, confident, and determined to make 2016 a strong and diligent step forward in our families adventures.

Big Brother and Little Brother sound asleep in the back of the truck, and holding hands.
Please don't let me forget this moment.

cuteness

Adam- well I can't exactly speak for him.  But what I do know, is that at the end of 2015, Adam made some major sacrifices for our family.  He may never know how much his sacrifices were truly appreciated, but it was an action that will never be forgotten by me.  It will likely stand as a strong pillar in my archives of amazing moments in our marriage: Adam sold his beloved Truck and put the equity into our savings account. (If you know me... you know how much I love putting money into a savings account. I've been finding joy in that since early childhood.)  Perhaps not everyone in life has had an object that they wrap so much of their pride,  their joy, and affection around.  But Adam loved that truck as much as an inanimate object could be loved.  His truck made him feel good: the way it felt, the way it looked, the way it sounded. It was the one thing in this household that was truly HIS.  Adam probably doesn't think I understand... but I felt the deep pang when we drove away and left his truck behind.  I could feel the loss emanating from him as he sat next to me.  I know it is nothing more than a vehicle, we both know that.  But sometimes, I think it is ok to allow yourself to love something that is worldly and material.   As if the truck wasn't enough, he also agreed to put a year hold on his golf course membership.  Between these two items and me starting to work some extra hours- we have completely re-arrange our budget and set things in motion for what will hopefully be a financially freeing and rewarding year!

The first time we let Chance inside

So while I can't speak for Adam- his actions have spoke for him.  Adam is ready for the New Year.  He is ready to do what it takes for our family to have the freedom to go on adventures and make memories.  We are working together in unity to accomplish goals and make things happen: which is a pretty amazing feeling.

and Chance... we took a chance on a stray dog that wandered into our lives the week of Christmas.  While we initially tried to scare him off- hollering and stomping our feet, Chance just seemed confident that this was where he belonged.  He slept on our front porch without food or water for almost 2 days.  Gently greeting us with each entry and exit, and watching for us diligently each time we came up our driveway.  I posted lost dog ads, drove to all the neighboring homes, called the local vets, and even the sheriffs office.  No one seemed to be looking for Chance.. and our hearts started to break for him. On Christmas Eve we took him to the vet, and found that he was a healthy dog, and that his breed is called "Beauceron".  We brought him home and gave him some food and water.  Chance  seems to be some sort of strange twist of fate- because we had ZERO intentions of acquiring a dog.  But Chance has proven himself to be a worthy new pack mate. He doesn't jump on people(well.... he hasn't been neutered and he does like to "Hug" people now and again...) but he doesn't bark, he doesn't get aggressive and tolerates Matthew poking and prodding him.  He doesn't chew on toys or bother any of our things.  He lays down for his feet to be wiped at the door, and hasn't had any kind of potty accident in the house.  The only complaint we have is that he feels he belongs on our couch... and that just doesn't fly with me.  So we bought him a dog bed and I think he is giving into that just fine.   So... if you come to visit us, that fierce looking dog who greets you at the garage? Well, really he is just a big baby who desired to be loved. Not too much to ask for in this world really.