Mommy brain? or plain crazy?

Three babies in, and this parenting thing isn't exactly getting any easier.  You would think, perhaps, that with each kid you would master some of those basic parenting skills. But instead, it seems that each child comes out with higher level skills of trickery and manipulation.  Either that or each one wears you down over time, and my ability to stand fast has ever waned? For example, I just spent the last hour trying to get Matthew to take a nap. An HOUR.  He is asleep now, but only after nursing multiple times, singing every lullaby song to infinity, rocking, and soothing.  I would try to leave the room and let him soothe himself... but my skin crawled up my neck as I heard him screaming and hyperventilating in his crib.  3 kids in, and the sound of my baby crying still rips right into my heart.  The small victory of his sweet face sleeping in his crib is a very small reward compared to the hour long battle we just endured! Which is why I so often don't fight him on his naps despite knowing how important sleep is to his development and health.

It isn't all fun and games. An exhausted attempt to get Matthew to sleep in the car and take NJ to the park... gone bad!

My bed on a Saturday at 6:00am. Not as comfy as you think!

 But we are making it along all right. Our days are full of play, exploration, learning, and growth right here at home! Nevertheless, Adam has been growingly disappointed with my rigidity about traveling, camping, and adventures in general. He is right, I avoid activities that involve packing, sleeping outside our own home, or excessive planning of any kind.  The bottom line is it is just TOO much WORK! I hardly get any sleep in my own bed, the idea of attempting to get Matthew to sleep somewhere else makes me panic!  I do daily loads of laundry at home, usually more than one load.  If we travel... my lord by the time we get home I'll have 4-5 loads to catch up on!  Then there is the fact that my brain can't seem to remember the basic needs and tasks in our every day routines. I'm always forgetting pump parts at work, or to send diapers to the babysitter. I forget to pack a jacket for a cold day or Jack's library books for library day.  My brain is a constant real of "don't forget" "need to do.." which then turns into "what was I just doing?" "why did I come in here?"  "where did I just put..?"  So the idea of packing all those things up, toting them along on our adventures, and then being able to FIND those items when I need them??? I have anxiety just thinking about it.  Which is bad news for my husband who thrives off of travel, camping, and adventures of every kind.

Adam's new form of excitement and adventure :) Protecting your UNO cards
from baby Matthew!

See, adventures in the mundane :)

I continually promise him that once Matthew gets a bit older that I PROMISE to resume our adventurous ways.  For now I am happy as a lark having adventures in our front yard.  Taking trips to the library or park are good to me. I finally understand why my mom had sticky notes all over our home with lists of things to do with the silliest of tasks written on them such as: trim finger nails.  Because my gosh... I can have been meaning to trim my finger nails for a week now.  A week!!! How does that happen? I should stop what I'm doing right now and go trim them.  But then I might forget that I was working on a blog. See my dilemma.
So, either this is normal "Mommy brain" stuff, or I should seek a counselors support :) But either way, I think these kids are growing up to be beautiful little people.

Painting our pumpkins

Pictures that were released by Hallmark!

Updates on the kiddos

Going on a bug hunt

 

Jack is 6 now, and he is already a quarter of the way thru Kindergarten.  How?  I dunno. But it happened.  Things have been changing so fast with him that I can't keep up.  He jumps off the bus after school and runs off into the yard to play.  He showed me how he can swing so high that the swings jerks back and forth.  He can even kick the branch in the tree by throwing his body backwards and extending his foot up into the sky.  He wants to climb trees, and runs around the yard with an active imagination that I have never before seen from him.  His interest in reading has exploded even more, and I find him reading every single thing that he can find.  He started driving. He did! I mean it's just a golf cart, but he is pretty darn good at it.  I even taught him how to take a shower, but I'm thankful that he is still enjoys getting into the bathtub and playing with his little siblings too.  I know our time it limited, but I love seeing their three cute little bods in the tub together :)  (sometimes I see how I could possibly turn into the Mom on the Goldberg's. That show cracks me up!)

NonaJane was excited to ride the ponies at Deanna Rose a few weeks ago. We sent a picture of it to her Aunt Nicole who sent back a picture from a year ago with NonaJane riding her horse.  It brought almost instant tears to my eyes, as I could barely recognize that little girl from the picture a year ago. How can she have changed so much? So I tortured myself and pulled up some baby pictures of NonaJane... and literally realized that I could hardly remember that sweet baby face. How could I forget?  Someday I will be looking at those baby pictures, and won't be able to remember which baby it is... I never understood how our parents or grandparents could ever forget which child it was in the picture.  But here I am, my daughter only 3 years old... and yet I'm already letting those memories slip.  Sometimes I catch a glimpse of NonaJane in her carseat, or running thru the house and I'm shocked by her beauty.  Of course, then she tells me to "stop looking at me!" or "I'm not talking to you" and I'm put right back into my place ;)

Your sweet face with what I think is a drool rash...

Your 9 month overalls that are like high waters on you at 7 months..

Matthew. My baby, who seems to refuse to be a baby. Turned 8 months old a few days ago.  He seems to be "growing like a weed" which never really happened with Jack or NonaJane.  Is it fair that at 7 months he should be forced to go to the library in high waters?  Well, it's your own fault kid for having ridiculously long limbs.  I'm not sure how I am suppose to dress your arms this winter. Baby clothes are all made for babies with short arms.  Your monkey arms are too long unless I put you in 12-18 month tops.  The same tops that your brother and sister were wearing when they were toddlers!  Plus, you already have 5 teeth! They are so darn cute when you give us your goofy grin and shrivel up your baby nose. You still puzzle me with your cock eyed way of holding your head, the way you crawl with one leg hitched up, and how you twist your body in our arms when we try to hold you. You're our strange little one, but amazingly talented.  You already wave and clap.  You discovered how to cruise up and down the couch last week. You already stand outside my shower door with your sweet little hands banging on the door to hurry me along.  Absolutely nothing phases you.  Your siblings dump water over your head by the bucket when in the tub, and you laugh.  Your sister tackles you and pulls you over backwards from behind.  You quickly crocodile roll and attack her with slobbery hands and a drooley face.  Have I mentioned your drool??? You drool SO MUCH. You soak several shirts a day.. and the continual stream of drool has soured some of your onesies to the point that I had to throw them away!  Your drool also has given your face, neck, and belly a strange bout of a rash. So I lather your face in aquafor or coconut oil and let your go on on your greasy merry way.  You still like to play hide and seek (see how I turn that on you instead of saying that perhaps your mom wasn't really watching you as well as I should?).  You're getting pretty good at it. I'm thinking I should teach you how to play 'marco-polo' instead. So when I call out, I could hear you and know you're ok? We'll work on that.

Preparing for your first bike ride :)

To the man of my dreams on the day after his birthday (close enough)

My handsome Husband on his 37th birthday

"OUR" Adam turned 37 yesterday.  He used to be "My" Adam... but not anymore.  Nona tries to claim that he is only "HER" daddy... it really digs under Jack's skin when she refuses to admit that Adam is also HIS daddy.  I know she knows that, but boy she likes to make her brother squirm.

A healthy game of UNO!

In the past Adam's birthdays have always been about Ice Cream cake, weekends at the lake, and outdoor fun.  This year... Adam's birthday was about an angry bird chocolate cake and watching Jack open all the presents.  Nona kept interjecting "that one is for Daddy" - when in reality there weren't any presents for Adam. Our 3 year old could see the clear injustice that was taking place. Guess that's the truth about getting older around here!  He did get to spend the entire morning golfing with his Dad and brother though.  I spent the day chasing after the kids, cleaning, grocery shopping, and preparing for our evening guests.  I'm not sure I really saw much of Adam on his birthday.  So in retrospect, I felt that Adam deserved a few kind words in honor of his birthday:

The engineer on the evening train

the partially smashed angry bird/golfing b-day cake

Dear Adam-

Our first weeknight evening together in YEARS. Adam thought he
would cook a nice meal and the children would magically eat it. HA!

 We love you. We love your playfulness. We love your seriousness. We're thankful for your sacrifice of working overnight to spend more time with us. We love that you are the ultimate 'handy-man'.  You fix all our problems- from changing light bulbs and batteries, opening those darn lids that are always on too tight, fixing bikes, fixing cars, soothing those 'owies' and calming those tantrums, tiling floors, refurbishing fireplaces, cooking dinners, installing car-seats, and building tables from scratch. You're the reason I never have to worry about things around the house.  You're smarter than the average Joe, you're more creative and crafty than my searches on Pinterest.  You're kind to every stranger, and you love every soul you meet.  You care about every story you read (and you try SO hard to make me care too).  You are a genuine listener- and the ultimate story teller. You sacrifice your toys and dreams (though there is a good share of kicking and screaming) because you hope and dream about the future of our family. You remind me how to have fun, you force me to dream- to think bigger and better. You are still MY ADAM- I just choose not to taunt the children as NonaJane chooses to do.  So even though I didn't buy you a boat, or a motorcycle (a camper, an ultimate cruise vacation,  a tractor, OR a diesel truck...) know that I love you more than all those items rolled together in one giant imaginary birthday present.  (and everyone who knows me knows that I am terrible at gift giving anyhow... so really no surprise that your
birthday present is imaginary now is it?)

Man at work

Happy 37th Birthday (belated) to my wonderful husband.  I am so THANKFUL and appreciative and HONORED to be your wife.  Thank you for choosing me, and loving me, and supporting me thru thick and thin.  We make a pretty good team- I still say you are better than any man I ever dreamed of.
Your wife,
Kelly

That Went Fast

Jack fearlessly running off... taking his first step onto the school bus. 

"That went fast," said Adam innocently enough.

 THAT went fast. That WENT fast.  That went FAST.

It was like a bad song stuck in my head.  A deafening roar of the same phrase being repeated over and over again in my head. It was as if every person who had ever told me "enjoy it, it goes fast" was suddenly right here with me screaming it at me.
And it went fast.  Jack took his first step onto that school bus and was off.  Adam, myself, Nona and Matthew sat in the golf cart in silence. Staring off into the empty highway where the bus had just been sitting.  A feeling of emptiness crept over me, a sense of shock- as if we weren't expecting what had just happened.  He was really off on a school bus, by himself.  I didn't feel like I had permission to cry though, it was a happy day for our Jack.  We put on a smile and headed back up to the house, just the 4 of us.

The weekend before school- headed to a casting call
(which he ended up landing the role!)

But then I did cry.  I felt like a cartoon character where the water fills up in your eyes like a swimming pool, and then the tears manage to sneak out and roll down your cheeks.  ...  I was going to miss him, and not just right now in this moment.  I mean I am going to MISS having my baby Jack. My toddler Jack. My preschooler Jack. I'm not sure I am ready for school age Jack, and all the responsibilities that come with being a school Mom!

Checking out Jack's classroom

Swinging at Meagan's house

But I turned my attention to my work day, and turned my sadness into anxiousness- anticipation of hearing about his day when I get off work.  I watched the clock and wondered what he was doing.
After school Jack did not disappoint. He happily answered every nosey question I had with gusto.  Then I turned to NonaJane and said "did you MISS your brother?!"  and in true NonaJane fashion, knowing how to get a laugh and lighten the mood- she replied with a mischievous smirk and a devious look to her eye "NoooopE!!!"  "I had the i-pad ALL to MYSELF!"   Sure enough, I asked Adam how NonaJane's day went without Jack, he reported he hardly heard a peep out of her. She spent the day in the playroom busily playing with her toys and the iPad- totally un-interrupted.
 
Matthew also did not want to be out-shined this week.  He decided he would start crawling at 6 months and 3 days old.  Officially our youngest crawler! He also got his first tooth this week!




















We went to the grocery store and he sat in the cart like a big kid... he seemed a bit worried- perhaps it was my cart driving? No, probably his sister who was hugging his head thru the whole store.

Shopping while Jack is at school just wouldn't feel right.  Wouldn't want anything to be too easy around here!

Matthew is thinking "what are you doing with my toy?"

already pulling himself up to climb into things

Well a week or two of school have gone by now, and somehow this blog never got posted... I'm still missing my Jack, but am thankful for his school and teacher.  Jack comes home with a spark in his eye every afternoon. His days are full of adventure and novelty, and he is loving every bit of it.  While I continue to mourn the change in our worlds, exciting things are happening at home for Nona and Matthew.  Matthew is discovering the world around him, underfoot and into everything.  He is already pulling up to his knees to reach, and tearing into his siblings stuff. (yesterday he ate a bed bath and beyond coupon that had been sitting at the edge of the coffee table... oops) Him eating things leads into the topic of his size! We discovered at his 6 month appointment that he is nearly as tall and heavy as Jack was at his 1st birthday!! What??! Granted Jack was a bit of a runt, or pip-squeak... but Matthew is ranking in in the 95%.

starting early with the academics

Little Miss looking exceptionally cute

Nona has become exceptionally close with Matthew.  We find her encouraging him to follow her, giving him toys, including him in her play schemes.  He thinks she is hysterical... but that eventually gives into annoyance once she has completely overwhelmed him ;)  Nona is also sitting down with me on my days off for our 'school'.  We are working thru some pre-k work books, spending extra time coloring, cutting, drawing, doing puzzles, reading etc.  Nona seems thrilled with the one on one time, and I appreciate feeling needed (seeing as Jack already informed me the other day that "Mom, you  don't know what you're talking about".... lovely)  It seems that Nona and Jack have flipped roles lately.  Nona being extra sweet and incredibly rule abiding... meanwhile Jack comes home from school in a state of physical and emotional fatigue- in turn he is acting a bit like a 13 year old girl.  Quite moody- a bit over reactive- we just have to hold on tight and hope that this wave too shall pass!

Dear Matthew- sorry your siblings are morons

Helloooo Mr. Turtle.  A game your sister likes to play with you...

Oh my dear Matthew. You are 6 months old tomorrow! Did you know we share birthdays in a way? My birthday is your half birthday (I'm sure I will have pointed this out to you every year... not to beat a dead horse).  Funny in a way- I have always teased how my nephews tried to steal my birthday as 4 of them were born within days of MY birthday.  Who knew that all along it may actually be my own baby who shares my birthday with me?!

SUPER Nona, Matthew and Jack!

I'm thankful that you are 6 months old tomorrow.  We've made it thru some of the most challenging days.  Remember the weeks of sleeping on the couch with you? Of course you don't... but I do.  Remember the nights of midnight blogging while you swung away and laughed at me in your swing? (I think I only imagined the laughing as you innocently refused to sleep.)  6 months already, and you are no longer an infant in my eyes.  You are becoming a big guy, and an even bigger joy.

this looks innocent enough, but really your brother might be pinching you here...
or thinking about yanking on your arm at any moment.

captain muscles showing off his planking skills

I think with every child I have joked at their first birthday that "we did it! we kept them alive a full year!"  well with you, this joke seems less funny... I'm not sure how man kind has survived all these years because as SMART as your siblings are... they can act like total morons around you.  I know they love you, they want to be around you all the time.  They ask to hold you, and they constantly try to play with you and entertain you.  BUT, they also jump off of you in the same manner that you would jump off a boulder.  They "roll" you across the floor in the same manner that you would flip a tire.  They seem to think that you would like to smell their feet, lick their toes, or have them sit on your face. I don't understand it.  I get mad. I yell at them, I explain to them that you don't actually LIKE this, that you just can't get away from them.  They inform me that "he is smiling!"  Which actually does worry me a little.. why are you smiling!?  Maybe this is normal for a third child.  I haven't really heard other mother's talk about it, so I feel like it is some great failure on my part.  But perhaps this is one of those unspoken things?  Well I'm breaking the silence!  I apologize to you for the inadequate care you are receiving.  I do try- and as I said, I'm grateful that we celebrate 6 months (and my 32 years) tomorrow.  Plus, I'm pretty sure you are going to grow up and be quite a bit bigger than either of your siblings anyhow.  You can sit on their faces then, you have my permission :)

That's right little man. Learn how to escape! Crawl Crawl!

Happy 1/2 Birthday little Matthew, and Happy Real Birthday to Me too.  Thanks for being a permanent distraction to my own birthday, and for giving us a little something extra to celebrate.
P.S. I promise I'll always share my cake with you Matthew T.  (that's saying a lot you know.)

"Mom WATCH!"

My cuties... who I can't stop watching

The first day of kindergarten is lurking over my shoulder like an ominous storm cloud. My anxiety is rising and my kids just won't stop. They won't stop getting bigger, smarter, and more independent.  All things to be more than thankful for- I know. But at this rate, things just keep changing too fast and I can't handle it. Matthew is learning to sit, and today got onto his hands and knees.  NonaJane is continually developing longer sentences, using bigger words, and getting prettier by the day.

A miniature ninja turtle

sitting?!

and LOOK at that face? Beautiful! but definitely not a baby anymore

And then Jack. Jack is learning how to do everything himself, and needing me less and less. For example, Jack can open/shut the car door AND buckle/unbuckle himself. In all honesty this is a HUGE relief for me. It was only a few months ago that I was angrily yelling at him to "TRY! Jack, please just try to buckle yourself so I don't have to climb back here and do it!"  I literally was angrily yelling at him to hurry up and grow up (because it is quite awkward to squeeze myself between two car seats to reach him in the third row).  And he listened. He did grow up, right before my eyes, and in response to MY demand.  He also dresses himself now, which I know most kids his age have been doing for years. But MY Jack never did.  He had no interest in what he wore, or whether or not he ever got dressed.  Underwear was fine attire for the day. Thus if we were going anywhere I would literally have to dress him (the same way I had since he was a baby.  "lift your leg, push your arm thru... etc. etc."  Now I can just say "Jack, go get dressed!" (mind you I still have to say it 10 times...). He can also make himself his own sandwich for lunch, rides his bike without training wheels, tie shoe laces, and can read most signs and books for himself if you ask him to.
Do you see what I mean? He could move out at the end of the week.

OR, maybe not.

this little guy doesn't even need me! Just floating away...

We went to the Paola pool this weekend. His friend Grace was jumping off the diving boards.  With great excitement he announced "I want to do THAT!"  I don't usually get too overprotective, but I honestly wasn't sure he could swim well enough to try this.  Adam was there though, and he seemed confident that Jack would be fine.  

Jack opening his own back account. With his OWN money from his WORK

Jack climbed that ladder with such confidence.  He strongly strode to the end of the board, gave us two thumbs up and did his PROUD dance.  (You have to really know Jack to know his proud dance.  But nothing in the world is better than the smile and joy he exudes when proud.  So proud that it makes him burst into dance.)  He promptly jumped, and without struggle he bounced to the surface.
 He kicked and bobbed
and swam right to the edge.  All I could imagine was his little 5 year old body suspended over 12 feet of water- deep water that I have spent 5 years protecting him from. This deep water is now his playground.  Before we knew it, he was climbing the ladder to the HIGH dive.  Adam and I were confident that he would NOT jump.  I mean, this is the kid that won't get on a kiddie ride for any amount of bribery.  But he did it.  He conquered it. And then he did it again. 

He was so excited that I took him and NonaJane back to the pool today.  Jack's learning curve was off the charts as he was no longer doggy paddling, but now swimming underwater, using a freestyle stroke, and even talking to me while swimming across the deep water.  He was doing well enough that NonaJane and I went back over to the shallow end so she could enjoy the froggy slide.  As I played with NonaJane and watched Jack in the distance, my heart began to hurt a little. Or a lot.  My little boy was jumping off the diving boards, talking, dancing, and playing with the other kids in line.  Trusting the lifeguard to keep him safe instead of ME.  But as if he knew my heart was hurting, he yelled out to me across the pool from the end of the diving board "MOM! WATCH ME!!!"  he did his proud dance, two thumbs up, and then a spinning twist off the diving board.  My little boy still wanted me, and NEEDED me to watch him.  He came running down to the shallow end, jumped in next to me and said "I was getting lonely down there without you."  If only he knew, his Momma's heart was the one hurting- and as usual, he has a way of making my heart absolutely explode.  NonaJane, Jack and I had a blast at the pool. NJ loves to jump off the edge to me, and of course wants me to "WATCH" with every move she makes.  So "WATCH!" I will.  I'm going to try to watch and love every little jump and splash they make.  For as long as they are excited to show me.