Jack and ME...

My Mom has always felt strongly about her intuition, reminding me to "follow my gut"and "listen to my heart." She has always believed that you will know deep down when something isn't right, or for that matter, when something IS right.
Deep down in my gut, I have known that our family was not complete.  I recall one night staying up late and talking with Adam.  My eyes welled up with tears as I explained to him  "as crazy as it sounds,  if we don't have another child, it feels to me like we are giving up on someone who is supposed to exist."  Adam would reiterate the adverse advice we had heard from hundreds of people.  The advice that had poured in over the past few years in an overwhelmingly negative land slide:  "Don't do it!"
 "Stop at two kids!" "Cars aren't made for families of 5, hotel rooms aren't set up for families of 5, vacation plans aren't set up for families of 5" "it costs an arm and a leg"  "they'll out number you!"  "the third one will wear you down" and most of all "you'll never have any fun ever NEVER EVER AGAIN."  (okay well maybe no one ever said that last one.)
I couldn't exactly argue with the logistics of it.  A lot of it seems very true.  Fitting three kids in a car will be tight, sharing beds in a hotel sounds like a nightmare, feeding three kids will be expensive, and vacations will cost more…. BUT I couldn't ignore my gut.  And eventually, neither could Adam.  He slowly began to make comments like "Well, I CAN see us with three kids" and "With all the land at the new house there will be plenty of room for the kids to play outside…"
So low and behold.. Adam, the kids and I are excitedly expecting the third addition to our family.  Our #3 (despite the advice of many, and God willing) will make his or her debut in late February.  And if my intuition, my gut, and my dreams are on par… then I think it will be a little boy.  We will wait and see!!!

 I absolutely love these pictures.  I love their inquisitive looks, and their excited faces when they found out there would be another sibling.   Jack was able to read the sign out loud on his own, and with a dropped jaw exclaimed "is this for REAL!??"  "Is there REALLY a baby in your belly!??"  And the series of questions regarding the baby, how it got in my belly, how I will make milk for it, etc. etc. etc. has ensued.  My answers have been total flops… as I was not expecting my 4 year old to care, or question it.  Oh dear. He even informed his Mema that "Mom wanted another baby and... BAM! It's in her belly!" NonaJane on the other hand was smiling because we were, and she liked holding the sign.  Not sure she really cares about another baby, and in fact, when I hold other kids she gets pretty outright jealous and mad about it. BUT, we have 7 months to not worry about it :)  I love these two, I love their smiles, I love their questions, their shenanigans, and am beyond thankful and excited about the opportunity to round out this picture with a third little smiling face.

A month in, and no time wasted

The family on our second weekend in the house

As of Thursday, we will officially have been in our new home for 1 month.  And a whirlwind it has been.  I'm pretty sure neither Adam or I have come up for air in the past 4 weeks.  Together we are a pretty determined team.  Thank goodness for such a handy husband, and an even greater "thank goodness" for a husband who is just as willing and motivated to work around the house as I am.  There is no begging, pleading, or manipulating around here to get things done. (of course… I guess I kind of did hold his new golf membership hostage until "The house is liveable!!" Which to me entailed a thorough scrubbing, wall paper removal, whole house interior painting, hanging of every picture, shelf, and decor item, and changing every fixture, knob, and pull in the home.  That's not too much to ask is it??)   Between the scrubbing, and painting, and scrubbing, and painting, and on and on and on and on… we also managed to get some new flowers planted, moved an entire retaining wall comprised of over a hundred 90 pound stones, mowed the yard each week ( a mere 4 hour job), and fix a broken windmill.  I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  I'm pretty sure I didn't go to bed before 11:00 and was up by 6:30 for a month straight, with very little sitting in between.  NonaJane would comment "Paint!  or "Paint?"  sounding slightly more exasperated with each day that Mommy told her  "don't touch!" or "get off the ladder" or "No, NonaJane can NOT paint".

Adam took the kids to Deanna Rose with their dousing Luke, Amy, Landon and Lauren

But somehow the kids got fed, the laundry got washed, bathes happened (although perhaps not as regularly as one should) and we all survived.  Here we are a month later, I sit in my living room typing my blog… and I feel relaxed.  This house feels like home.  Every room has our touch.  Of course we still have a list of projects, plans, hopes and dreams.  But who doesn't?  The rest of the work will be like the icing on top of the cake!  I know that many of the people who know me think I am crazy- just relax, take your time, the work will be there tomorrow, what's the big rush, etc. etc. etc.  You may think that my persistence, my obsession, my determination, stubbornness and unwillingness to budge is a character flaw. But I DON'T.  I'm proud of what Adam and I can accomplish.  I love feeling comfortable in my home, and am glad we didn't waste anytime getting here.  We are ready to enjoy the rest of our summer. To explore our new territory, to experience life, and take our kids on new adventures :)

Since we live in the country now I figured I better start letting my kids play in the rain and stuff. We are still a long way off from digging for worms and catching grasshoppers with our hands… maybe next time we will lose the umbrella?

Adam took the kids out on the pond for a couple of boat rides.  NonaJane is giving Adam the 'stink-eye' for telling her  to SIT DOWN!

Jack helping me take the trash out each week.  Again, living in the country so we better start teaching him how to drive young.  And let me tell you, taking out the trash with this driveway is quite the ORDEAL!

All the stones that we inherited for future use 

The retaining wall that Adam and my Dad removed 

The Windmill.. or a dying cow

When we moved into our new house, the windmill was one of the things that gave it such amazing curb appeal and drew us into the beautiful spot we call home.  We noticed over the few weeks of visiting prior to our move that it never really spun.  We asked Jim (the previous owner) "How come the windmill doesn't turn?"  He explained that he had the brake set on it.  Adam and I were content with the response, but deep down thought "what good is a windmill that doesn't turn?"  The second weekend that we lived here, a big windstorm/thunderstorm blew threw overnight.  The next day as we were out running around the pond assessing how much the water level had rose, we noticed the windmill was turning!! "She's ALIVE" we proclaimed. Adam excitedly recorded the windmill in all it's glory, sending the video to my parents to share the exciting news.  But… why was it spinning? We had not removed any brake or touched the windmill.  But due to our excitement, we didn't really investigate and just counted our blessings instead.

Our excitement quickly began to dissipate as the giant metal monstrosity began to groan, and grind, and whine with every turn.  The damn wind just wouldn't quit, and the windmill only got angrier.  Adam attempted to climb the windmill and add some oil, but with the high winds all he managed to get was backspray in the face, and risked losing limbs from the flying blades. Upon closer inspection, Adam could see that due to rust and possible lack of earlier maintenance the windmill had completely busted and was in a free spin. Day after day I became more annoyed with the hideous NOISE.  I began to think "oh no, the neighbors are going to hate us! Surely they can hear the windmill too"  I texted Adam- "you HAVE to do something about that windmill!"  So at 2:00 AM one night, Adam had noticed that the wind had died down to a calm breeze.  He climbed the tower in the pitch black night , marching to the top of the slow groaning beast (which at this point sounded like a cow dying.. I don't know if I really know what a cow dying would sound like… but anyhow) and in his usual ingenious manner Adam managed to rig the windmill up with wire, bungy cords, and I don't know what else.  All I know, is the noise stopped!!! Our windmill has returned to its stately, beautiful, and awe inspiring self.  Adding art to our scenery, and beauty to our hillside.  Let's just hope this solution can last!

The highlight reel

Sweet, sweet mercy. No worries, I simply washed her off and put her in her bed for a nice nap while I spent the next few hours cleaning.  I didn't have anything else to be doing...

Got IT!

As I woke up this morning with the bottoms of my feet feeling raw and dry.. I felt inspired for a blog post. You just never know when the mood will strike I guess.  Who knew that a gallon of vinegar, a large box of baking soda, and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide could be such fun?  Yesterday my old neighbor, Tina, came out to visit our new home.  She brought along her Hoover DEEP carpet cleaner, a 10 foot ladder, and her cleaning supplies.  She asked if her hours of labor were better than a pan of "welcome to your new home brownies"?  YES, anyday... yes.  Which is saying a lot because I LOVE brownies.  Tina offered her help at just the right time.  Over the past few days I had dealt with a 'helpful' toddler who decided to paint the kitchen, a neighbor dog who joyously discovered our pool, pee filled carpet, and hours upon hours upon hours of work. Cleaning, painting, and cleaning.  Tina was dying to tackle what we lovely refer to as 'the murder scene' in our bedroom.  The previous homeowner told us the washer had overflowed there, and she spilled a bottle of laundry detergent on the floor.  They are a sweet couple and I am positive she would not lie… but saying that there was a murder scene seemed a much more exciting way to explain the gargantous stain that sat on our bedroom floor.  Low and behold the carpet cleaner seemed to actually REMOVE it! With renewed invigor I decided to tackle the PEE room.  We are pretty sure that Jack is sleeping in a room with about 55 pee stains.  We did put down a lovely rug to hide them.. but you could still smell them.  After running over the whole room with vinegar.. we now had a toxic smell of urine doused in vinegar.  If you have never smelled this… it is NOT good.  Tina then informed me that if I dump a box of baking soda and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on the floor that the chemical reaction would kill the bacteria and smell of the urine.  (This was either her being very helpful, or playing a cruel practical joke. The verdict is still out.)  As of last night, his room had become a dangerous place.  A place where crime scene tape and some respirators may have been deemed necessary.

Jack's room BEFORE the carpet cleaner

Clearly, new carpet is still high on the priority list, but attempting to clean the carpet to get a few months or longer out of it seemed like a valid effort.  Meanwhile, next time I will not do all this while barefoot.  My intelligent mind thought "it's just vinegar and baking soda.. no weird chemicals." My feet beg to differ.
Meanwhile, while I was slow- motion sweeping the carpet cleaner back and forth… magic was happening in the living room.  Tina, being her intelligent self, decided to take a more aggressive and chemical approach to the living room wallpaper.  She stopped at the wonderful Home Depot, and bought a scourer and some blue gel wallpaper removal spray.  She hopped up on her ladder, scoured away and sprayed with the blue gel (which did NOT run down the wall Sue, Mom, Ron, and Nicole!!?  It was thick and just stuck to the wallpaper seeping in the through the thousands of tiny holes created by the scourer).  Tina then patiently sat back for 15 minutes and let the gel do the hard work (I know Nicole, is this infuriating you??) She then peeled the border in long strips (with most of the backing included).  Tina pulled down the rest of the room in less time than it took 3 of us to peel the other half.  Seriously AMAZED.  How do you thank someone for that???  Tina again managed to give me just the boost I needed, enough of a lift to make me think that this house will soon become that dream home...

Our new farm cat, Willy, is happy to let the kids pet him :)

Jack's foot found a nail. Living on 9 acres has a lot of hidden dangers

The Mountain of Chaos

Moving day was full steam ahead.  I had planned, packed and prepared for a month ahead of time. Adam and I had completely cleared out the basement and upstairs, staging everything we owned into the dining and room and living room of our house.  My Mom and Dad picked Jack and NonaJane up the day before, and took them camping out at Hillsdale Lake.  The kiddos spent the next 2 nights and 2 days in their camper.  Creating play-doh creations, blowing bubbles, complaining that they were 'hungry!' demanding drinks, requesting games, watching movies, and stubbornly telling Mema and Papa "NO!" (can you decipher which activity came from which child? haha)

Mema and the kids assuring us they were ready for the excitement

Looking back as we drove off...

Three hours was all it took. From the time the movers arrived to the time they left.  Leaving us in the wake of their dust on our new, mile long, gravel drive. A whirlwind.  There was no time for lingering in empty rooms of the old house, no time to reminisce, no time to shed bittersweet tears.  I had managed to keep myself so busy over the past month preparing, that I completely avoided the process of saying goodbye.  I closed a chapter in my book (a thing we all know very well I hate doing) without so much as a tear to the cheek. The next thing I knew, I was standing in my new driveway with a mountain of chaos lurking over my shoulder. Adam grinning ear to ear "we are HERE! Look at this beautiful view!!! It is all OURS!"  But in my perfectionistic and obsessive mind all I could think about was how much there was to DO.   I have gone to bed every night since much too late, with a sore back, sore feet, and raw fingers.

On Friday my parents and the kids came out to spend the day at the new house with us.  My mom sneakily stole away to our flower filled, wallpaper covered, 1980's master bedroom.  Unknown to me in my busied state, she started removing wallpaper!  By the time I took note, the wall of pink roses and ivy vines was nearly gone.  I swear I could have cried. She also took down the dark green mini-blinds and heavy draperies that were hiding the windows all thru out the house. Friday afternoon Adam's parents, sister and nieces arrived.  To my awe and overwhelming excitement, they too dove right into the wallpaper removal. Sue volunteering for what appeared to be the most uncomfortable and unpleasant of work- tearing the wallpaper from below and above the kitchen cabinets.  I found myself unable to find the words to properly thank them, to express to them all the deep gratitude I was feeling. It was a sense of Love and appreciation that words could not deliver.  I mean, no one, absolutely NO ONE likes to remove wallpaper.  But on top of it, to do it in someone else's house? Even worse!  My family tackled a job, that had it been left for me to do alone… may have killed me.  Their effort and selfless acts made my heart grow 3 sizes that day ( you know like the grinch)  and gave me renewed faith and hope that this house would be transformed into our dream home before we knew it.

My parents headed home on Saturday, and Adam's parents, sister, and nieces headed home on Sunday. I was still floating on a happy cloud, feeling so accomplished of all that we had done.  But little did I know… the Mountain of Chaos was still lurking behind me…

Goodbye Ivy, Thank You Sue!!

Moving to the country, Schwatken style

 Apparently Adam was smart enough to take some pictures as the rooms cleared out. Here are some goodbye photos of our wonderful first home.  The place we spent our first night as husband and wife, and the place both our children came home to.  The house that was so empty when we first bought it, we laughed thinking we would never fill all that space.  We had doors shut, and empty rooms.  But when we left it was brimming full. Bursting open with love, furniture, toys, and memories.

The kitchen floor that I vacuumed and mopped a million times feeding babies and toddlers

The living room that was lovingly re-painted twice, re-carpeted, and transformed

NonaJane's room that I spent hours stenciling

Our master bedroom

Jack and NonaJane sleeping in the camper

The kids smiles and the evening sun shining down on our house… with all the chaos lurking inside!

silent goodbyes

Our home early this Spring

Jack enjoying some of the perks of moving...

Tonight is the last night that I will put my children to bed in this house, and I am feeling a little bit emotional.  Which I really don't like. In general I prefer to run my days, my decisions, and my thought processes on a more rational mode.  All these "lasts" are creating a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat.  The kind where you know if you open your mouth to say anything.. that only a flow of ugly tears will come instead.  Case in point: as we left the gym tonight for the last time, I attempted to thank the wonderful ladies who work there for loving on my children and making the gym such a fun and educational environment.

The disarray

Instead I only got out a meager "thank you" as the ladies all hugged and kissed on the kids.  On the drive home I realized I was thankful that we are moving on a Thursday morning… because all my  neighbors will be at work making it easy to escape without facing them for a goodbye.  Not that I wouldn't want to tell them all how much I have loved them, how much their kindness and generosity has meant… but I just don't want them to see these ugly tears.  So if you are reading this.. thank you for all the times you fed our cat, for watching over me from your driveway when I was selling things to strangers off craigslist, for helping me edge my yard when I try to mow for Adam as a surprise, for loving my kids and showing a genuine interest in them, for bringing me cookies and cake when you bake sweets, for loaning me eggs and oil and whatever odd thing I asked for, and for passing down everything from clothes, toys, skis, bikes, books, and costumes for the kids.  Thank you for sharing with me your stories and lives, giving me advice on the children and complementing them as they grow and learn.  I have felt so safe on this street (too safe according to Adam as I rarely if EVER have locked my door).  I am sure you all might miss seeing Adam skiing down the street during the winter snows, or me jogging the streets with the kids in tow.  I'll miss your waves and smiles with every coming and going. But perhaps you won't miss my squeaky car!

The awkwardness of "doing it yourself"

Even though I am only saying these goodbyes in a silent manner.. typing it out on my keys in a quiet room. I some how feel a relief.  I'm ready to be excited and embrace the new.  The new adventure in store for us.  I think we have all made decisions in our life where we worry "was this the right thing to do?" and when road blocks come at us, or when we trip and humbly fall… we worry perhaps these trivial issues are meant to say "your going the wrong way!"  But I doubt this to be true.  Life wouldn't be life without a few hang ups. Some troubling issues along the way.  The stress of big decisions makes you feel alive, makes you feel vulnerable, insecure, and nervous.  At the time it can often feel like the world is crushing down, but looking back it is more clear.  These problems are trivial, these stresses are minor.  Adam and I are thankful for this opportunity, for the ability to make this leap.
So as I say my quiet goodbye's, I look thru my tear filled eyes to an exciting and wide open future.



 Some of the houses from my past.. memories of old!

The house I lived in from 8th grade thru high school graduation

The house I lived in from 3rd grade thru 8th grade

The Bittersweet kind of days

NonaJane spying the cupcakes

The day came and went. The day when NonaJane turned two.  We made a pretty meager approach to celebrating it… mostly because we just had (and HAVE) incredibly too much on our plate.  Not the kind of stuff you can complain about though.  It has been exciting stuff, adventures, emotional roller coasters, opportunities, and craziness.  The kind of crazy where your brain just can't manage it all.  Like when your husband takes an empty lunch box to work.  An empty lunch box does NOT a happy tummy make. Anyhoooo, We spent NonaJane's actual birthday at my parent's lake house in the Ozarks.  It was the official last day, the last hoora, the final gathering at the family cabin.  The decor was gone off the walls, and so was the toilet paper from the bathrooms (but don't worry we packed some).  My parents were finally closing on the lake house, selling it off and closing the chapter.

Mema, Ethan, Luella, Julie and myself

We were blessed with beautiful weather which allowed us to be out on the wave runner, and the kids even swam. I tried to swim.. but swimming in what felt like ice was unpleasant. So I got out. The dock on the other hand was very relaxing.  We brought along some Minnie Mouse cupcakes and a Minnie Mouse doll- to which Nona was delighted.  The biggest hit for her birthday was the DVD of "Frozen" which I believe has played in a continuous loop for 8 days now. "Let it GO!" is what she claims every time she wants to watch it.The guys spent the last evening drinking on the deck, enjoying a lightning storm in the distance. The ladies sat at the table playing a riveting game of rummikub (well… maybe not riveting as we were all yawning and perhaps not devoting quite the attention needed).  It was a bittersweet kind of day. When you can't help but reminisce about the memories made… but not sure if you should feel happy or sad about it.

NonaJane is 2!

Adam said it best 'we are so thankful for the time and wonderful memories we made at the lake. So thankful for the experiences we had, and yet so happy for my parents to be moving on. They have found their dream spot, gathered their dream toys, and don't need to be bothered with the maintenance and costs of the extra home.'  It is hard to be sad when you know just how blessed and lucky you are.  Even in the midst of a crazy month, where the calendar is full on everyday and your brain feels like it can't hold another thought… I can't help but remind myself that all my "problems" all my "stress" is nothing more than a full life.  A life of love, a life of risks and chances.  We complain when things don't go smoothly, but then we are always thankful for it in the end.  So I try to complain less, and be thankful more.  The best books, the best movies, and the best stories always have a complicated plot.  So why not have a complicated life every now and then :)?

NonaJane and I standing on the dock of our new property on Mother's day

 The day after NonaJane's birthday was Mother's day.  The homeowner's of our new place invited us out for their Mother's Day/moving out party!  They enjoyed introducing us to their children and grandchildren who have grown up visiting and playing here.  They told stories of their endless days of fishing, swimming, and exploring- all the magic of a grandparent's home. Stories of when they first bought the land, and built their home.  A bittersweet time for them as well.  Although everyone is happy for their new adventures: retiring and hitting the open road (buying a REAL fancy camper and living in it :))  they too have those intense emotions of saying goodbye to a place they love.  A LOT of memories were made at this home over the past 22 years for them.. and it seems to be promising an exciting future for us as well.

NonaJane, Adam, myself, Jack, Janie, and Jimmy 

NonaJane 'driving' the tractor

Jack 'driving' the tractor