The highlight reel

Sweet, sweet mercy. No worries, I simply washed her off and put her in her bed for a nice nap while I spent the next few hours cleaning.  I didn't have anything else to be doing...

Got IT!

As I woke up this morning with the bottoms of my feet feeling raw and dry.. I felt inspired for a blog post. You just never know when the mood will strike I guess.  Who knew that a gallon of vinegar, a large box of baking soda, and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide could be such fun?  Yesterday my old neighbor, Tina, came out to visit our new home.  She brought along her Hoover DEEP carpet cleaner, a 10 foot ladder, and her cleaning supplies.  She asked if her hours of labor were better than a pan of "welcome to your new home brownies"?  YES, anyday... yes.  Which is saying a lot because I LOVE brownies.  Tina offered her help at just the right time.  Over the past few days I had dealt with a 'helpful' toddler who decided to paint the kitchen, a neighbor dog who joyously discovered our pool, pee filled carpet, and hours upon hours upon hours of work. Cleaning, painting, and cleaning.  Tina was dying to tackle what we lovely refer to as 'the murder scene' in our bedroom.  The previous homeowner told us the washer had overflowed there, and she spilled a bottle of laundry detergent on the floor.  They are a sweet couple and I am positive she would not lie… but saying that there was a murder scene seemed a much more exciting way to explain the gargantous stain that sat on our bedroom floor.  Low and behold the carpet cleaner seemed to actually REMOVE it! With renewed invigor I decided to tackle the PEE room.  We are pretty sure that Jack is sleeping in a room with about 55 pee stains.  We did put down a lovely rug to hide them.. but you could still smell them.  After running over the whole room with vinegar.. we now had a toxic smell of urine doused in vinegar.  If you have never smelled this… it is NOT good.  Tina then informed me that if I dump a box of baking soda and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on the floor that the chemical reaction would kill the bacteria and smell of the urine.  (This was either her being very helpful, or playing a cruel practical joke. The verdict is still out.)  As of last night, his room had become a dangerous place.  A place where crime scene tape and some respirators may have been deemed necessary.

Jack's room BEFORE the carpet cleaner

Clearly, new carpet is still high on the priority list, but attempting to clean the carpet to get a few months or longer out of it seemed like a valid effort.  Meanwhile, next time I will not do all this while barefoot.  My intelligent mind thought "it's just vinegar and baking soda.. no weird chemicals." My feet beg to differ.
Meanwhile, while I was slow- motion sweeping the carpet cleaner back and forth… magic was happening in the living room.  Tina, being her intelligent self, decided to take a more aggressive and chemical approach to the living room wallpaper.  She stopped at the wonderful Home Depot, and bought a scourer and some blue gel wallpaper removal spray.  She hopped up on her ladder, scoured away and sprayed with the blue gel (which did NOT run down the wall Sue, Mom, Ron, and Nicole!!?  It was thick and just stuck to the wallpaper seeping in the through the thousands of tiny holes created by the scourer).  Tina then patiently sat back for 15 minutes and let the gel do the hard work (I know Nicole, is this infuriating you??) She then peeled the border in long strips (with most of the backing included).  Tina pulled down the rest of the room in less time than it took 3 of us to peel the other half.  Seriously AMAZED.  How do you thank someone for that???  Tina again managed to give me just the boost I needed, enough of a lift to make me think that this house will soon become that dream home...

Our new farm cat, Willy, is happy to let the kids pet him :)

Jack's foot found a nail. Living on 9 acres has a lot of hidden dangers

The Mountain of Chaos

Moving day was full steam ahead.  I had planned, packed and prepared for a month ahead of time. Adam and I had completely cleared out the basement and upstairs, staging everything we owned into the dining and room and living room of our house.  My Mom and Dad picked Jack and NonaJane up the day before, and took them camping out at Hillsdale Lake.  The kiddos spent the next 2 nights and 2 days in their camper.  Creating play-doh creations, blowing bubbles, complaining that they were 'hungry!' demanding drinks, requesting games, watching movies, and stubbornly telling Mema and Papa "NO!" (can you decipher which activity came from which child? haha)

Mema and the kids assuring us they were ready for the excitement

Looking back as we drove off...

Three hours was all it took. From the time the movers arrived to the time they left.  Leaving us in the wake of their dust on our new, mile long, gravel drive. A whirlwind.  There was no time for lingering in empty rooms of the old house, no time to reminisce, no time to shed bittersweet tears.  I had managed to keep myself so busy over the past month preparing, that I completely avoided the process of saying goodbye.  I closed a chapter in my book (a thing we all know very well I hate doing) without so much as a tear to the cheek. The next thing I knew, I was standing in my new driveway with a mountain of chaos lurking over my shoulder. Adam grinning ear to ear "we are HERE! Look at this beautiful view!!! It is all OURS!"  But in my perfectionistic and obsessive mind all I could think about was how much there was to DO.   I have gone to bed every night since much too late, with a sore back, sore feet, and raw fingers.

On Friday my parents and the kids came out to spend the day at the new house with us.  My mom sneakily stole away to our flower filled, wallpaper covered, 1980's master bedroom.  Unknown to me in my busied state, she started removing wallpaper!  By the time I took note, the wall of pink roses and ivy vines was nearly gone.  I swear I could have cried. She also took down the dark green mini-blinds and heavy draperies that were hiding the windows all thru out the house. Friday afternoon Adam's parents, sister and nieces arrived.  To my awe and overwhelming excitement, they too dove right into the wallpaper removal. Sue volunteering for what appeared to be the most uncomfortable and unpleasant of work- tearing the wallpaper from below and above the kitchen cabinets.  I found myself unable to find the words to properly thank them, to express to them all the deep gratitude I was feeling. It was a sense of Love and appreciation that words could not deliver.  I mean, no one, absolutely NO ONE likes to remove wallpaper.  But on top of it, to do it in someone else's house? Even worse!  My family tackled a job, that had it been left for me to do alone… may have killed me.  Their effort and selfless acts made my heart grow 3 sizes that day ( you know like the grinch)  and gave me renewed faith and hope that this house would be transformed into our dream home before we knew it.

My parents headed home on Saturday, and Adam's parents, sister, and nieces headed home on Sunday. I was still floating on a happy cloud, feeling so accomplished of all that we had done.  But little did I know… the Mountain of Chaos was still lurking behind me…

Goodbye Ivy, Thank You Sue!!

Moving to the country, Schwatken style

 Apparently Adam was smart enough to take some pictures as the rooms cleared out. Here are some goodbye photos of our wonderful first home.  The place we spent our first night as husband and wife, and the place both our children came home to.  The house that was so empty when we first bought it, we laughed thinking we would never fill all that space.  We had doors shut, and empty rooms.  But when we left it was brimming full. Bursting open with love, furniture, toys, and memories.

The kitchen floor that I vacuumed and mopped a million times feeding babies and toddlers

The living room that was lovingly re-painted twice, re-carpeted, and transformed

NonaJane's room that I spent hours stenciling

Our master bedroom

Jack and NonaJane sleeping in the camper

The kids smiles and the evening sun shining down on our house… with all the chaos lurking inside!

silent goodbyes

Our home early this Spring

Jack enjoying some of the perks of moving...

Tonight is the last night that I will put my children to bed in this house, and I am feeling a little bit emotional.  Which I really don't like. In general I prefer to run my days, my decisions, and my thought processes on a more rational mode.  All these "lasts" are creating a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat.  The kind where you know if you open your mouth to say anything.. that only a flow of ugly tears will come instead.  Case in point: as we left the gym tonight for the last time, I attempted to thank the wonderful ladies who work there for loving on my children and making the gym such a fun and educational environment.

The disarray

Instead I only got out a meager "thank you" as the ladies all hugged and kissed on the kids.  On the drive home I realized I was thankful that we are moving on a Thursday morning… because all my  neighbors will be at work making it easy to escape without facing them for a goodbye.  Not that I wouldn't want to tell them all how much I have loved them, how much their kindness and generosity has meant… but I just don't want them to see these ugly tears.  So if you are reading this.. thank you for all the times you fed our cat, for watching over me from your driveway when I was selling things to strangers off craigslist, for helping me edge my yard when I try to mow for Adam as a surprise, for loving my kids and showing a genuine interest in them, for bringing me cookies and cake when you bake sweets, for loaning me eggs and oil and whatever odd thing I asked for, and for passing down everything from clothes, toys, skis, bikes, books, and costumes for the kids.  Thank you for sharing with me your stories and lives, giving me advice on the children and complementing them as they grow and learn.  I have felt so safe on this street (too safe according to Adam as I rarely if EVER have locked my door).  I am sure you all might miss seeing Adam skiing down the street during the winter snows, or me jogging the streets with the kids in tow.  I'll miss your waves and smiles with every coming and going. But perhaps you won't miss my squeaky car!

The awkwardness of "doing it yourself"

Even though I am only saying these goodbyes in a silent manner.. typing it out on my keys in a quiet room. I some how feel a relief.  I'm ready to be excited and embrace the new.  The new adventure in store for us.  I think we have all made decisions in our life where we worry "was this the right thing to do?" and when road blocks come at us, or when we trip and humbly fall… we worry perhaps these trivial issues are meant to say "your going the wrong way!"  But I doubt this to be true.  Life wouldn't be life without a few hang ups. Some troubling issues along the way.  The stress of big decisions makes you feel alive, makes you feel vulnerable, insecure, and nervous.  At the time it can often feel like the world is crushing down, but looking back it is more clear.  These problems are trivial, these stresses are minor.  Adam and I are thankful for this opportunity, for the ability to make this leap.
So as I say my quiet goodbye's, I look thru my tear filled eyes to an exciting and wide open future.



 Some of the houses from my past.. memories of old!

The house I lived in from 8th grade thru high school graduation

The house I lived in from 3rd grade thru 8th grade

The Bittersweet kind of days

NonaJane spying the cupcakes

The day came and went. The day when NonaJane turned two.  We made a pretty meager approach to celebrating it… mostly because we just had (and HAVE) incredibly too much on our plate.  Not the kind of stuff you can complain about though.  It has been exciting stuff, adventures, emotional roller coasters, opportunities, and craziness.  The kind of crazy where your brain just can't manage it all.  Like when your husband takes an empty lunch box to work.  An empty lunch box does NOT a happy tummy make. Anyhoooo, We spent NonaJane's actual birthday at my parent's lake house in the Ozarks.  It was the official last day, the last hoora, the final gathering at the family cabin.  The decor was gone off the walls, and so was the toilet paper from the bathrooms (but don't worry we packed some).  My parents were finally closing on the lake house, selling it off and closing the chapter.

Mema, Ethan, Luella, Julie and myself

We were blessed with beautiful weather which allowed us to be out on the wave runner, and the kids even swam. I tried to swim.. but swimming in what felt like ice was unpleasant. So I got out. The dock on the other hand was very relaxing.  We brought along some Minnie Mouse cupcakes and a Minnie Mouse doll- to which Nona was delighted.  The biggest hit for her birthday was the DVD of "Frozen" which I believe has played in a continuous loop for 8 days now. "Let it GO!" is what she claims every time she wants to watch it.The guys spent the last evening drinking on the deck, enjoying a lightning storm in the distance. The ladies sat at the table playing a riveting game of rummikub (well… maybe not riveting as we were all yawning and perhaps not devoting quite the attention needed).  It was a bittersweet kind of day. When you can't help but reminisce about the memories made… but not sure if you should feel happy or sad about it.

NonaJane is 2!

Adam said it best 'we are so thankful for the time and wonderful memories we made at the lake. So thankful for the experiences we had, and yet so happy for my parents to be moving on. They have found their dream spot, gathered their dream toys, and don't need to be bothered with the maintenance and costs of the extra home.'  It is hard to be sad when you know just how blessed and lucky you are.  Even in the midst of a crazy month, where the calendar is full on everyday and your brain feels like it can't hold another thought… I can't help but remind myself that all my "problems" all my "stress" is nothing more than a full life.  A life of love, a life of risks and chances.  We complain when things don't go smoothly, but then we are always thankful for it in the end.  So I try to complain less, and be thankful more.  The best books, the best movies, and the best stories always have a complicated plot.  So why not have a complicated life every now and then :)?

NonaJane and I standing on the dock of our new property on Mother's day

 The day after NonaJane's birthday was Mother's day.  The homeowner's of our new place invited us out for their Mother's Day/moving out party!  They enjoyed introducing us to their children and grandchildren who have grown up visiting and playing here.  They told stories of their endless days of fishing, swimming, and exploring- all the magic of a grandparent's home. Stories of when they first bought the land, and built their home.  A bittersweet time for them as well.  Although everyone is happy for their new adventures: retiring and hitting the open road (buying a REAL fancy camper and living in it :))  they too have those intense emotions of saying goodbye to a place they love.  A LOT of memories were made at this home over the past 22 years for them.. and it seems to be promising an exciting future for us as well.

NonaJane, Adam, myself, Jack, Janie, and Jimmy 

NonaJane 'driving' the tractor

Jack 'driving' the tractor

Strange things are happening here

 Strange things are happening around here.  I keep finding Jack's cushioned booster seat discarded to the corner of the kitchen floor, or sometimes hidden in weird places like beside the couch or under a bed.  The step stool that has lived in front of the bathroom for the past two years has taken up residency in my kitchen. Now serving as a tool for Jack to access the cabinets and get his own drink.  Then, last night I heard the exhaust fan running in the master bath. I headed upstairs and sure enough the door was shut. I peeked inside to find my little boy who responded "can you shut the door? I need some privacy."

Jack and Grandpa on his 62nd birthday

Jack's been helping out with potty training his baby sister

"But what about your potty seat, Jack? Don't you need your potty seat?" I replied "NOPE" was his proud response.

Jack on his bike (and I'm thinking his noggin has outgrown the helmet…)

I shut the door, and stood aghast.  What has happened here?  How is it that my son does not need a step stool to wash his hands, a potty seat to keep him from falling in the toilet, or a booster to reach the kitchen table?  When we go outside to the swing set, he doesn't need me to push him… at all.  Did you know he rode his bike a short distance without training wheels for the first time yesterday too? As I tucked him into bed, and he read to ME a bedtime story… I started to feel a little panicked.  "Jack, I don't think you are going to need me anymore!"  But then in his sweet endearing way Jack looked at me and replied "Of course I do Mom! I need you to bake for me, and to tuck me in. I still need you a lot."  His reassuring hug and sincere eyes calmed my nerves. But deep down inside I realized I'm not sure who needs each other more, him or me:)    So much of who I am, and what I do, is being his MOM.  Clearly I realize he is only 4 and to say he would no longer need me is a bit dramatic.  Sometimes it is just a bit hard to keep up with (or accept) the changing roles.

NonaJane is all about riding her "BIKE!" but she can't quite pedal it yet 

The kids' paychecks from their work with Hallmark!

Look who's going to be TWO

NonaJane is going to be two next month. In 3 weeks and 6 days to be exact.  Thankfully with all the distractions in my life right now I haven't had time to panic about this.  Until right now.  Now I am panicked.  She won't be one anymore. She definitely won't be a baby anymore.  She will be TWO.
She has discovered some new sayings lately, and upped her cute and sassy factor by 10.  She will now tell you to "Go Away" if she doesn't like what you are saying or doing.  When people ask her her name she now confidently replies with "Nona!".  She dances like a wild woman to music, sings along to "Happy" and "Let it Go", and can officially climb anywhere and jump off of anything. Last night she was jumping off the end table, knocked my lamp onto the floor and broke it.  You know, really cute stuff.  She can count to 10, but her favorite thing to do is repeat random numbers until you can't take it anymore "8, 9, 8, 9, 8, 9, 8, NINE!!!!"  She likes to sing the alphabet too, but she seems to get stuck at 'H', so she will just start over. and over, and over again.  And if you dare try to help get her PAST the H, she will yell at you.  And for some reason I think it is the CUTEST thing ever.  Every time she gets stubborn and yells, it makes me smile from ear to ear. Her strong will, her seriousness, her mission to be independent, it is all my favorite stuff about her.  She loves to color, especially on the table when you aren't looking. She is really pretty good at coloring too. She likes to use a wide variety of colors, she fills the page, and is already proud of her work yelling "Watch!!" and "look!"  She continues to eat a wide variety, stealing food off her brother's plate and pretty much begging all day long. "Hungry" might be her favorite word.  Our little girl knows what she wants, and usually won't give up until she gets it.

NonaJane you bring such joy to our lives. You make me smile and laugh, you push me around and challenge me.  Yet despite your stubborn front, you are the sweetest thing.  You love to give me kisses, and you hold onto my arm when I read to you. You sing along with me at night "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me HAPPY", you are bursting with joy when I get home from work, and you miss me if I leave the room for a minute.  You love me with such passion, with such joy.  You demand that you want "mommy" and you aren't afraid to tell people "NO!"  You speak your mind, you   live every moment to it's fullest. You exude enough happiness from one squeal, one smile, one giddy dance, to make every frustration, every challenge, every exhausting moment simply melt away.

NonaJane, we LOVE you.

Clinging to my raft, riding the tidal wave

enjoying lunches at Fritz's

apparently I have been too busy to take pictures
 that are actually related to this post… so instead
enjoy some of these cuties :)

Sometimes things in your life can get really still… almost a boring still. Like you're just waiting for something big to happen. For a rock to be thrown into that still glassy pond.  Not that there isn't a serene joy when you come upon the stillness, the perfection, of an undisturbed pond. But it seems that the temptation to throw boulders or handfuls of rocks is just too great.   Similar to how fun it is to kick your legs in a pool as hard as you can until the surface looks like the ocean.

Jack all dressed and ready to go to WORK

My life was kind of like the serene, calm, and beautiful pond- a few weeks ago. Truth is that I'm just not at a point in my life where I am ready to relax and appreciate the quiet.  So what did I do? I threw a boulder. Or two. Maybe a dump truck load into that beautiful pond.  First I went and sold my car back in December to drive the 1,000 dollar car (which has now greatly amplified it's squeaking and rattling.  My mom said it sounded like a bucket of golf balls rattling down the side, and my co-workers said it sounded like a large rock was perhaps stuck in my wheel.  Either way, pretty sure a car shouldn't sound like that. But it's still running:)) Then this week we sold our house.  We sold it in under 24 hours, and for asking price!  I'm starting to have my panicky moments when I realize "holy crap. We SOLD our house" why on earth would we do that!?  But, figure it is a little late for those thoughts so we better ride these tidal waves that we have created.

Jack posing in front of the toastytote display… plastered in OUR pictures!!!

 A little update on the housing front… our tidal wave will NOT be taking us to the home which I previously blogged about.  Turns out (thru inspections) that the home was being held up by 2x4's and decorative porch posts (not exaggerating), there was a significant water leak in the attic, and a sewer back up which was causing draining water from the tub to come up through the sink.  Adam said "HELL no", thus the house search continues.  We are circling around a lovely for sale by owner home.. but haven't made the official commitment.  Our only fears with making the dive is that we will be making a significant cut in square footage. But that is neither here nor there (HA hadn't used that little nugget for a transition in awhile!)

Meanwhile… while we were creating this chaos at home, I received several emails from Hoffman International (Jack's talent agency).       1) Jack's Ball Jars commercial was picked up for television use! 2) Jack and NonaJane were both presented with opportunities to attend a casting to work with Hallmark.  All week Adam was driving them to and from auditions and castings (from which they were chosen!)  Complete craziness that it all happened to fall in the midst of placing our house on the market,  and trying to house hunt ourselves.  The kids both did great at their photo shoots. So much so that Jack was called back this week for another shoot! The director on the set informed Adam that they would likely be using our kids "a lot"!!!

Jack's head shot

Then today, I joined my neighbor Christian with his toastytote team down at the WW1 museum in Kansas City.  His company was part of SparkLab KC which is a mentorship  for local entrepreneurs.  Today the 10 companies involved in SparkLab gave their 'pitches' to Kansas Cities biggest investors.  We're talking about people with fancy loafers, goofy glasses, and money falling out of their sleeves. Ok, I didn't actually see money falling out of anyones sleeves, but I'm pretty sure I could smell it on them.  I mean we got a fully catered breakfast AND lunch. Not donuts, there was yogurt, fancy granola, jams, and cakes with drizzly icing and nuts on top. Serious stuff here.  The food was served on bamboo plates with servers hovering to see if you needed more water!  Anyhow, since I have become the 'face of toastytote'… (I know, I know, pretty famous. But try to control your excitement.)  The team needed me to be part of their pitch. I basically worked as their on-stage Vanna White. I demonstrated the use of the toastytote, moving it thru it's 5 different uses for the audience to see.  Afterwards there was a bit of a meet and greet, or mingle you could call it.  Many of the investors took time to talk to me,  praising my demonstration skills and asking me if I have demo'd other products (Ha! yea right).  But the biggest revelation of the day is that toastytote is possibly working their way to QVC.  If they do…. guess who might REALLY get famous??? Only the 'face of toastytote'!!!  Almost as famous as Jack's forehead and hands in the Ball Jars commercial!!! I hope you are lining up for autographs tomorrow :)

So here I am, sitting in a wave pool clinging to my raft.  Feeling mildly panicked, the adrenaline rushing, partly wishing the water would calm… but very well knowing that as SOON as it does… I'll probably throw another rock.  Life is short, let's enjoy the ride while we can.